Angry Optimism

Oops you did it again...

2005-10-20T18:35:00.000-07:00

Hi people. Things change quickly in life. Sometimes they make your headspin so fast that when you finally get your bearings again, you realize you were headed in the wrong direction all along. I didn't listen to some of my friends who thought that getting back into a relationship with Anne was a good idea, due to our history. You all were right, and I was wrong. And I paid for it. That is life. I could regail you with the details, but it's not worth it. Same old, same old. History repeats itself.

However, this is probably good for me. Now, I'm going to dive into fulfilling my dreams. I had two dreams, one of a girl I created in my head, who really didn't exist at all, and one of getting into movies and pursuing more artistic endeavors. Now, I only have one path left.

I'm shutting down this blog, and starting a new one. This one was for Japan and I'm a different person now. Time to start again. I will post the new blog address up here once I've started it. Until then, everyone, take it easy.

"How hard is your job..."

2005-10-16T20:24:00.000-07:00

Have once toiled away in the food service industry, constantly fighting the urge to punch out numerous customers, I should have sympathy for people, who's job requires them to have to constantly deal with other people. However, in my case, I just don't have any sympathy. On Friday, the temping agency I worked for called me up as I was wandering down the streets of Silver Spring on a trajectory to meet my brother for lunch. They had a job for me. Hooray. I need money, they want to pay me to go somewhere, everything is all good. However, since I was on the street and didn't have a writing implement, nor something to write on, I kindly asked the agent from Randstad to email me the info. She read off my email address to make sure it was the right one and then agreed to immediately send me the info. Of course, she didn't. Now, I know I'm working at the Hilton this week, but I don't know which one or any details in regards to the assignment. This really, really infuriates me because now, I have to either wait and call in the morning in the hopes that their office opens before 9 AM, or just take my chances and hope that I end up at the correct hilton. Fortunately, if I'm lucky, the Hilton is literally across the street from where I live. If I'm unlucky, I will have to fight traffic to get there.

This happened on Friday. Friday was a bad day. I also blew out my tire on the capital beltway during rush hour. Thus, pretty much all the money I make this week will go into fixing my car. So, that completely blows.

The Redskins also lost today. This just hasn't been my weekend. It's funny, I'm actually looking forward to Monday...

"I just want you to know something Joe Rogan, I smoke rocks..."

2005-10-08T12:15:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone. If you can't figure out the above line, it's a Tyrone Biggins quote. It also kind of describes how I feel today. After many many dry months in Virginia, to the point that the drought had become so bad many areas were declared disaster areas, the clouds opened up and supposedly it's supposed to rain for the next week straight. I have a love hate relationship with the rain, I don't love it, I always hate it. Thus, I'm sitting in my house alone and thinking about what a fuckin loser I am for still living at home and not having a job.

Oh wait, I now have a job as a temp, so hopefully money will again start flowing into the coiffers. Thus, I shall once again be able to do good works and spread joy to the world. Actually, I went into randstad the other day to sign up as a temp, and ended up having to do three hours worth of interviewing and testing. I found out that I have high acuity for office work, and the personality test they gave me shows that I would be a horrible leader. Now, I take huge offense to this because the personality test was three hundred some odd questions and each question repeated itself over and over again in different ways. Of course, I was just honest with it, but that's bullshit to think that a test like that asking me questions like "You are sensistive to other people's criticism," agree, disagree, neither agree nor disagree. In the end, most of my questions were neither agree nor disagree. Yet, somehow this little test managed to tell me that I would work only if I was someone's bitch ass plebe. And that's completely fucking bullshit. I'm a natural leader. I have had to lead quite a bit in my life, but sure, I'm cynical, but I keep that to myself. A good leader should be cynical and be suspicious of others ability to complete a task, yet able to let them try anyway. That way, they can better predict weaknesses in the system that might need to be fixed later.

Either way, it doesn't matter, I have no intension of starting my career through randstad, it's just to keep money coming in, instead of just going out.

I've also recently enrolled in a six week program in NYC. I will learn digital film editing there. It should be really cool. I will tell you all more about it as the time approaches. The cool part is I will learn by helping cut an independent film and will get an assistant editor credit on it as well.

Tommorrow's football. Go Redskins.

Cause I'm back and I'm bad, and I'm something you ain't never had...

2005-09-26T23:21:00.000-07:00

Hopefully, by plagerizing my title from an old kris kross anthem, my adoring audience will excuse my month and a half absence. Currently, I'm still deciding whether I want to carry on this blog, ditch it completely, or alter it in some form or another, so as to fit the huge change in my life that begin a month and a half ago. I will deeply contemplate these options sometime in the near future, but probably not until I have a) gotten a job b) found somewhere to live c) created a blueprint of my future goals and how I'm going to get there (this one is on the agenda and has already begun in many ways).

Since I've come home, I've done many things, but instead of following any logical or chronological order, I'm simply going to list them in any haphazard manner that they appear inside my mind's eye (which, of course is it's own logical order). This morning, I flew back home after a six day stay in San Francisco, that was just gee golly gosh swell. It was a nice break that allowed me to continue doing nothing, although in a completely different location and time zone. It was really good to see Anne and it was cool to meet her friends, who were all very hospitable and hella cool. I also found out, that apparently I can cook pretty well, however, this was with Anne's help and might have been a complete fluke, but who knows. Shot out to Anne, Heather, Karen, Matt, Michelle, Aaron, and Chili. Thanks for brunch dude.

Allegedly, I pout a lot and in various locations, which include, but isn't limited to: public buses, bars, city streets, the grocery store, the kitchen, the backyard, in the park, and many, many other places.

While I love San Francisco, and think it's a fantastic city, this latest visit has simply confirmed to me that San Francisco has the most absurdely, mentally insane homeless people in the continental United States (Alaska?). Don't ask, just go. I think when Reagan released all the lunatics from the public asylums in the 80's by shutting them down, the craziest 10% must have been sitting there one day on a park bunch, covered in peanut butter, masturbating into a mason jar, drinking paint thinner and all came to the same conclusion that the relatively temperate climate, easy going attitude, and high percentage of smelly hippies in San Francisco created a trifecta that begat the perfect environment to be fuckin nuts, and all headed west on the wackiest greyhound bus of all time. So, yeah, I had a good time.

Thanks Anne.

Since returning home, my ability to speak English correctly and proficiently has drastically improved. Practice truly makes perfect, although me knew well forget english totally unpossible.

I saw Bloc Party in San Francisco and was reduced to a screaming 16 year old girl. Thus, I will now suck dick for blow.

More later. Bye peeps. -G

Everything comes to an end...

2005-08-13T09:01:00.000-07:00

I'm sleeping in my old Tokyo host parents' living room tonight, because I no longer have an apartment and the Tokyo summer is a hot humid affair, that begets the need for an AC unit. However, Japanese economics makes central AC a frivilous waste, and Japanese houses are heated and cooled by room, instead of centrally, thus, the guest room, lacking an AC unit, would not be a particularly comfortable place to sleep tonight. Four years ago, roughly at the same time, maybe a week later or so, I moved out of their house. It was the first goodbye in a string of goodbyes, but this one is hitting a lot harder. The will I come back question mark looms ominously and I can only be human about the truth, thus I lie. Or at least, I distract.

Tonight, I ate the best tempura I've ever eaten. I told my host parents, two international surrogates whom love me like a son, how looking at the remains of the only building that withstood the anihilating force of the atomic bomb in hiroshima, put me on the verge of tears. Good tempura has a salty buttery taste. Reality has an achrid chemically taste that borders on sterility, or at least and agent to that end. My host mother talked about living in Hiroshima as a child. From first to third grade of elementary school. Her neighbor was beautiful, she said. Well, half of her. One half of her face was scorched from the atomic bomb. She eventually died at 24. I'm 24. Sometimes I feel like half of me is scorched inside. She told me that she remember shadows burned into sides of buildings, and how this scared her. In her neighborhood shadows were scorched into the pavement where a woman was sitting, until in a bright flash of light, she was vaporized. In the end, the skeleton of only one building remained. She lived near it. She was born after the bomb. Her smile and humor wasn't tainted with it. 100,000 men and women, killed in a flash of light. 40,000 more to die, skin falling off, immune systems failing, cancer invading, slow, slow, hope, dashed. A little girl gets leukemia. She believes a fairytale about folding a thousand paper cranes will cure her. She's 12. She does it. She dies. God punishes her for believing. The bomb proves there is no God. The war proves god is fallable. Imperfect designs. All of us. Urge to survive, urge to destroy. God's paradox. I order another beer, I force laughs, I shatter a glass by accident and get the urge to slam my hand down on the scattered fragments just to prove I'm still alive. I genuflect and apologize instead. My host parents smile. They love me. I love them. Mom. Dad. Seperated by language and six thousand miles of culture. Their smiles, their generosity is what still give me hope.

Sometimes, I get angry at Japan for giving me hope. It's made it harder, because it's robbed me of an excuse, and for that dear Japan, I bid you adue, and hope to return to see another rising sun here, when I have something to give back to you...

It's always good to come clean...

2005-07-24T10:43:00.000-07:00

This is my second post tonight, wow, that must be a record for me. A lot of my loyal readers have been wondering why my rants have grown sparse, and my blog has slowly wilted like a rose in november (trying to being poetic before I digress into dick and fart jokes). Honestly, I think lately, I've just been too cynical to express, and if I chose to do so, I would just be a downer. I've been on this Earth for twenty four years and a little, and I've come to one unfortunate, but utterly realistic conclusion--humanity sucks. We have the capacity for indescribable beauty, but it barely masks the ugliness that pervades our existance. And thus, we live in a one giagantic wardrobe malfunction, acting shocked at utterly ludicrous times, while letting true tragedy, true immorality, true saddness continue its march forward, unabated, even by the smallest band of ambitious guerrilla warriors. We champion the accomplishments of the extraordinary, with a ten word blurb, or a two second sound byte, but their downfall is a crucifiction best viewed in an extended pay per view format, that nobody can resist. Worst of all, ten seconds later, lacking our adderal laced drinking water, we lapse into a socially ignorant catatonic state.

I'm stuck on why we grow to hate each other. Why relationships are just precursors to war, where vulnerability, and secret pecadillos, are simply morter rounds shoved into a cannon, by screaming artillery men, long deaf from the initial explosion of their offensive barrage. But the alternative of drinking alone, and paying complete attention to an internal monologue that berates and belittles because only a couple of us can be really special, is so much less enticing then a union that ultimately leads to conflict. And on the path of crushed hearts, glazed in a bitter naivete and self delusion reduction (whatever the fuck that means, that say that in fancy restaraunts, reduction, that is), and served with a side of steamed acrimony and capitulation. We beat each other down, and enjoy doing it, because at least it give us something to have pride in. Thus, we divide, we conquer, we rape, we pillage. For me, I just like to make jokes, not because I think the world is funny, but because it's so unfunny, and I'm really bad at crying.

Why can't it be simple? And yet, we all see it as so simple, and who am I to judge, I'm just as self righteous and self absorbed as the next person. Don't cry for me Argentina. For real, you got enough of your own problems. I hope I taught you something, because this post has taught me nothing. It has been an expression of the pain I feel when I look at the world. Especially lately. I love onions, the complement most cuisine, because in my opinion, they help bring out the flavor of the main dish. I hate peeling onions, but it's something you have to do to get to the main cliche, I've riddled this whole performance piece with. I guess that's all life is, one predictable performance piece. The only reason truth is stranger then fiction, is because our view of what life really is, is so naive and warped. To all of you, sleep well, in our dreams is the one place we all still reign...

Cue emotional ending music...

2005-07-24T08:52:00.000-07:00

So, I only have a couple more weeks here in the land of the rising sun. After that, time to move on to bigger and better things. The first wave of new ALTs who are coming in to replace the people who left have now arrived, and the death knell of my generation's era has begun to ring. And with it, quite possibly, angryoptimism, too. I know that I haven't posted lately, but I don't really see a point. My life is pretting F...ing boring. I mean, what do I do. I sleep, I eat, I jog, I lift weights, I bitch about my employer, and I drink. This pretty much encompasses my life. Recently, I've added cleaning and packing to that list. Oh yeah, I watch TV too.

Lately, I've been out of it, and frustrated all at the same time. Case in point, last night, I had nothing to do and so I decided to go see the movie the island. I went to the theater, and in Japan everything is listed in military time, yet, said in normal time. Meaning, what's printed 20:00, they say, 8 o'clock. And this unfortunate linquistic quirk has always messed with my head, as I learn better from hearing then seeing. So, I bought a ticket for the 20:35 show, the late show, which is the cheap show here costing a bargain 12$, instead of 20$. It's cheaper because most people ride trains and don't go to late movies because they might not be able to get home. Either way, for some reason I thought the 20:35 show was the 9:35 show (virtually all late shows, are after 9pm, in fact, on the board listing movie times, it says, late show after 9pm, and in this column they listed a mive as 8:35), oops, kind of stupid there. I've made this mistake once or twice before, but when they handed me the ticket, they said the time, thus correcting my misunderstanding, as is par for the course in Japan, along with a bunch of other weird honorific superlatives like, "Thank you, large penised, handsome, honorable, venerable customer-san, the movie begins at 8:35." Unfortunately, my ticket clerk was somewhat scared of white people, since afterall, we have different color skin, thus making us zany and unpredictible. And just trembled, and handed me a ticket, saying nothing, not even complimenting my monster penis. So, I went and ate dinner, and thought I had an hour to spare, so, I had a cup of pretentious coffe, and pretentiously read, the pretentious new yorker, hoping to find pretentious anecdotes, and pretentious cultural references, to tell people in order to demonstrate my pretentiousness. When I decided to make my grand entrance into the cinema, bristling with excitement, I felt dejected and possibly burdened with an extra chromosome, when the ticket taker (what is the actual term for this job?) informed me of my errror. "Sorry, Mr. Large Penised, Intelligent, Handsome, Honorable, Venerable, Retarded white man, the movie started an hour ago, and had you actually been able to read, you might have not made this mistake. Let me guess, you're an English teacher." I burst into tears, and then beat the shit out of the small 4'11 japanese girl with the hello kitty smile, and felt much better about myself. Hey, I'm a stupid white person afterall, and I'm guessing that's all I'll ever be.

Ummm...

2005-07-13T21:23:00.000-07:00

It's not that I don't have a lot to say these days, it's just that I can't be bothered to say it. I could tell you that I'm busy, or that my computer is broken, or make some other excuse, but I'm just not in the mood to write anything anymore. Life has been weird. I decided that it was time to leave Japan, and then promptly met a girl who I liked. Murphy's law always kicks me in the balls. Everyone reacts to that one in the same exact way. Mouth curls up on one side, head shutters back a bit to the right and ends with a slight nod and a, "isn't that always the way."

I'm still coming home though. I like Japan, I love it in fact. It's like the world's most comfortable chair. It's like one of those leather massage chairs you come across in the mall. You enjoy sitting in it so much that you don't want to get up, but know you need to in fear of the salespeople sneering at you. I've been here about two years. That's really not a long time in comparison to a lot of people I know. I know English teachers that are pushing a decade in country. There's even one guy at my board of education who was one the original JET program ALTs in 1987. I was six years old when he got here. I just couldn't imagine doing some mind numbing work like that. Who knows though, maybe I will come home and decide that I can no longer function properly in the US. If that's the case, well, then I'll just have to go to grad school, come back and get fluent in Nihongo (Japanese word for Japanese), and take one of those bad ass jobs they offer foreigners who managed to become fluent and have usable skills. Unfortunately, that will require the acquisition of usable skills. Currently my skills list is: 1. Can run a 10k 2. Can type pretty fast 3. speak fluent English 4. Can out drink 90% of the people I meet 5. can shower, shit, and shave in about 6 minutes 6. speak intermediate Japanese.

So, yeah, I need new skills. Plus, I just need a break. This year has crushed my spirit. Whether it was feuding with my coworkers at the BOE, or have to break off the icicles off my testicles during the winter when I got home, since I couldn't actually heat my apartment, since running two heaters at the same time would cause the electrical system to short out. In general, I feel a little betrayed by my employers, yet the people I worked with at my school were amazing. I got to watch them sing some funny drunken karaoke last night. All my teachers were bombed. It was hilarious. Well, I guess that's all for today.

Oh yeah, here's a quote from Stephen King that I found that I would like to share.

"People want to know why I do this, why I write such gross stuff. I like to tell them I have the heart of a small boy... and I keep it in a jar on my desk."

Martial Arts and fat drunken Americans...Oh yeah, I turned 24, too...

2005-06-28T08:29:00.000-07:00

Well, it's Tuesday night, and I ain't going to lie, I've been boozing a little. Of course, it was with my old host father, so it's more like family bonding. It's amazing what weird Japanese you learn hanging around your surrogate family, while they're drinking (or a Jehovah's Witness, like my host mother, not my host father, though). I learned the word for stomach fat in Japanese, and told them I was going to call in sick tomorrow, and tell my boss that I severely injured my stomach fat. At my job, that might go over fine. I could just see the staff office after that phone call, one of the teachers saying (loosely translated from Japanese), "Hey Koji, you're not going to believe what that crazy motherfucker said this time, he said, he hurt his stomach fat. Fat fuck probably just got syphilis in Roppongi." It's a loose translation, I know, but, hey, it seems a lot funnier if you imagine it in out of synch overdubs.

My birthday was cool, well, what I remember of it. There are definitely a couple of pockets of time, that must have gotten lost somewhere. The Embassy BBQ was awesome again this year. There's something to be said for the American Embassy hosting a big ass party that included all the beer you could drink for ten dollars, on foreign soil, for independence day, where they could actually get away with it, as opposed to in America. The all you can drink, all day, probably wouldn't fly, since it would result in at least a few casualties, a handful of mauling, a few pregnancies, and at least a couple of incidences that would make the baby Jesus cry. My friend Jason, whom studies Capoeira (the Brazilian dance fighting that Eddie gordo does in tekkan), and I decided to shadow box, or in this instant have an ultimate fighting match. I told him that dancing shit wouldn't work against most people, and somewhere during our rousing match, I knocked him of balance, sending him flying into a group of strange people behind us. It was rather funny.

Right now, I'm starting to make plans to return to the United States to wreak some havoc, and by that I mean, leach of my mom for a little bit, while figuring out my next move. Sorry for not updating in a while, I just don't like you people that much...

The last days of 23...

2005-06-22T05:15:00.000-07:00

So, I'm entering the home stretch of my 23rd year in life. Soon, I will be 24, Saturday to be exact, and I will no longer be in my early twenties. I will graduate to my mid 20's. It's funny, but a lot of my friends have already become neurotic about their age, and they're like 25 or 26. I guess when you're single, have no career prospects, or goals for that matter, and pretty much have less ambition then you did ten years ago, well, it's easy to become paranoid (I'm talking about myself, not my friends, even though I'm not paranoid, maybe I should be though). Another thing that has started to freak me out is that I'm meeting people that are really looking to settle down, and start having kids. Early 20's here folks. Still dumb as fuck. Still irresponsible. Still naive. Still insecure. Shit, the brain doesn't even finish developing until you're 25 (which explains a lot about guys in their early 20's).

This year, I'm doing the same old thing. Going to the 4th of july bbq at the US embassy (yes, on june 25th), and then going to dinner. Hopefully I won't lose my wallet this year.

Holy fuckin shitballs, Batman!!

2005-06-18T02:10:00.000-07:00

I just got back from seeing the new Batman movie and I must say, it's freaking amazing. Christopher Nolan did an amazing job, and Christian Bale is the best Bruce Wayne/Batman, ever. Sure, the first Batman was pretty good, but I just never bought Michael Keaton as Batman. Also, they messed up the source material, since Batman kills a lot of people in the first and second movies, and Batman doesn't kill. However, the first two were much better than the last two, where Joel Schumacher traded Tim Burton's dark sinister tone, for a homo-erotic camp fest, somewhat in homage to the 60's tv show, which also had a movie. Anyone ever catch that one? Classic. Trust me. Calm Tone: "Hey Robin, could you hand me my trusty Bat-Shark Repellent." Robin then manages to locate it between the ever necessary Bat-Giant Manta Ray repellent, and the Bat-Flying Gibbon Repellent (just FYI, I've seen a Gibbon break dance.) Of course, this is all done in a cool and collected manner as batman is hanging from the rope ladder of a helicopter, with a shark having swallowed him to roughly mid torso. When, he finally sprays him his trusty aerosol Bat-Shark repellent, the shark falls off and explodes just before it hits the water. Batman, not a scratch on him.

The new Batman gets the tone right, and is just a damn good movie. Well written, well acted, well directed, well edited, etc, etc. I'm a big fan of these comic book adaptations because I loved comic books as a kid. Thus, I loved the spidermans, the xmens, the new batman, shit, I even liked daredevil (although it didn't have much of a plot), which I probably shouldn't admit in public. Comic books were actually important to me as a kid, and probably influenced who I became much more than most people realize. As a child, I had a real warped sense of justice due to a lot of factors that were out of my control. I used comic books as a mode of escapism. A world where idealism and justice could prevail if you were willing to make the sacrifice. This was a stark contrast to what I saw in the world. Now, I could have let all of my idealism dry up, rendering the possibility of my phoenix like resurrection from the brink that has occurred over the last few years, unlikely and impossible. However, there's something to be said for the enduring power of a child's imagination within all of us. I guess in the end, I always believed I was capable of doing something great. Even now, I cling to this notion, and it has helped me really sort out my life despite being plagued by doubts.

Unfortunately, this has some unintended consequences that actually factor into why I don't always write blog entries consistently. My idealism commonly leads me to deep introspection. While, I don't withdraw like I used to, it commonly feels like I'm wandering the world with the mute button on. Most things seem so trivial that I don't bother to even pay attention to them. But, hey, that's life. That's everyone's personal burden, to find a deeper meaner, as only they can define it, within their own personal context.

Well, aside from that, I've been working out, trying to clean up my apartment, and trying to get my internet fixed. Which, as you can see from this post, I was successful at. Tonight, my friend Andy, with whom I worked at roadside Grille and who currently lives in Gunma prefecture, is coming down for a night out in Tokyo. In two weeks, he's moving to Fukoka, which is much farther away. Should be good.

One last thing. Today, about a week after car accident, I saw a motorcycle that makes me feel so much better about driving in Japan. This motorcycle actually had a TV monitor between the handlebars, as well as in the back of the drivers seat, so a passenger could watch. When I saw the bike approach it was blaring 50 cent. I was happy to see that they were not only listening to 50 cent, but also watching the video on the screen that blocks out the drivers view. Got to love Japan.

Hope all is well with all of you.

Hello Mr. Pavement, how are you today?

2005-06-11T23:43:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't written a post in a while. There's a couple excuses I can give you. 1) my internet has been going out lately. 2) i haven't had much to say.

On Thursday, driving to work, I was hit by a car and thrown across a lane of traffic. Fortunately, my reaction was quick enough, that I turned, thus forcing my scooter under the bumper of the other car and it took the brunt of the hit. I got up with a couple scratches on my leg. The woman who hit me was hysterical, so I calmed her down and got my scooter and went to work. I'm ok. Very lucky in fact. That's about it for the day.

Occupational hazards...

2005-05-29T22:57:00.000-07:00

I'm in a lot of pain today and visibly so. Yesterday was the dreaded squats day at the gym, so walking up and down stairs really hurts. Good thing my office is up on the fourth floor of my school. Also, I managed to come down with a bad case of Shibuya neck during my failed crusade to find shoes in my size in Tokyo.

Shibuya neck, by the way, is a condition that mostly effects males, although I'm sure lesbians could get it too. Shibuya is a district in Tokyo where a lot of the youth hang out. Shibuya neck is when you end up straining your neck because your neck keeps craning back and forth like it's on hinges as all the drop dead gorgeous women pass by. For newcomers to Tokyo, you should only venture down to Shibuya during the weekdays, when it's less crowded. This will help you strengthen your neck muscles gradually, and allow you to safely venture down there on weekends within a month or so.

Unfortunately, there's also another companion condition to Shibuya neck called Tokyo whiplash. And, let me tell you, it's kind of disturbing one. Maybe I'm just a pompous American, but nice teeth is an essential quality I look for in women. Sure, it's shallow, but I don't want to end up kissing Jaws from the James Bond movies. Oh, so Tokyo whiplash is when you see a drop dead gorgeous Japanese girl and then she smiles only to reveal a horribly mangled, crusty brown and yellow, foul looking set of chompers that look like they were put in by a blind, epileptic dentist in the throes of an LSD induced seizure. Really, it's that bad. Fortunately, the Japanese people have stopped considering this cute, and I've seen a lot more people with braces.

Another humorous Japanese anecdote I would like to share with my wonderful readers happened this weekend. I volunteered to help out my board of education with student interviews for a special program where two students get to go study in Pittsburgh, Penn. for three weeks. Why Pittsburgh, I don't know. "Sweet, I won a free trip to Hoboken, New Jersey." Actually, my city has a sister city relationship with them. Of course, it also has one with Hamilton, New Zealand, Richmond, VA, and somewhere in China, Ghangzhou maybe. Pittsburgh would probably be my last choice. Well, there was one student who had an impressive command of the English language as far as grammar, vocabulary, accent, confidence, and pretty much everything else. However, she made one little slip up that made me almost piss myself, okay, maybe I did a little...

The exchange went something like this:
Me: "Who do you admire and why?"
16 year old high school girl: " I admire my English teacher because she has always pushed me to work very hard and become more skilled at speaking English. She also has made me very curious about other cultures and I have come to believe that cultural exchange is very important because of her. She has encouraged me so much that I would like to participate in this program and pleasure her..."

Good thing I wasn't drinking coffee at that moment. Maybe she should go to SoCal.

Pizza Hut and the Wrath of God...

2005-05-24T08:57:00.000-07:00

It's been a really obnoxious couple of days. You know the kind that bitch slaps you all the way back to your bed and forces you to get up on the wrong side. I'm currently on the far side of the bed, somewhere outside and down the street. And it all started with pizza. Yes, that wonderful concotion of flour, yeast, mashed tomatoes, and the fermented mammery juice of some horomone laced, steroid pumped super bovine. A lot of people complain about how weird pizza is here in Japan, but I've found that if you give them specific instructions, they don't put octopus, corn, and mayonaisse on your pizza.

So, last night I call pizza hut, figuring, I would treat myself. Usually, it's the same guy everytime and since they have my order history on record, which never deviates, it's a pretty painless process. But, I guess they got a new employee and I had the grave misfortune of having to deal with her, while she trained for a job that she made seem like a person needed at least a master's degree to do. I called up and in perfect Japanese asked fro a thin crust with mushrooms and green peppers. She told me they didn't have that. I then explained in more detail that I wanted the basic pizza with green peppers and mushrooms. She said it wasn't on the menu, so they didn't have it. I then said I would call her back. I called back and explained where on the menu I could get this pizza and explained that they had made it for me before. She couldn't find it on the menu, despite my long description. She told me that since it wasn't one of the pizzas in the picture and she couldn't find what I was talking about, they didn't have it. I hung up. Three minutes later the manager called, apologized, and sent it over. It was here in fifteen minutes.

Today, I didn't go to school. Took the day off for no damn reason. I thought it would be good. I tried to get some errands done, which at first resulted in me jumping on the wrong train multiple times. And later, in my haste, as the sky opened up and the Wrath of God! came pouring down, pulling my jacket out of my bag, I managed to lose my brand new sunglasses. Oh yeah, I had to wait in the apple store for over two hours to try to get my ipod fixed. They looked at it, and just gave me a new one. My third one to date. My second free one in fact. Either way, I'm really pissed off and I have to teach the first class tommorrow. At least my kid wu-tang will be there. He always manages to shock me with either his a)prejudice or b) the new ghetto slang he's learned from hours of listening to gangsta rap.

Yes, I need a hug...

Flirting with disaster...

2005-05-21T21:50:00.000-07:00

Yeah, so I'm pretty much flirting with disaster these days. On Friday, I went out with Yumiko, who I'm really into, but who also has a boyfriend. Last week, while stumbling around drunk in Tokyo (pretty normal for a saturday), I just happened to run into her and her boyfriend. Yeah, akward. But, apparently, he knows that she comes and hangs out with me. I guess Japanese guys aren't the jealous type. She's also only been dating this guy for a bit over a month and told me she wasn't sure about the relationship. So, I'm wondering if I'm being directed into position. Or she just likes me because I'm a big silly Gaijin monkey who makes her laugh.

This recent injection of happiness though, has been extremely good for me. Instead of being jaded and cynical and pissed off all the time, I've been jaded and cynical and pissed off, but somewhat happy. Yay. Aside from that, my life has been boring.

I found out how racist one of my kids was. I gave my seniors an activity where they are a fire fighter, and must save people from a burning building. But, they can only save two, and the remaining five will die in the fire. So, the point was to justify your choices. One guy, decided to use reverse logic and tell me why he didn't save people, thus making his choice by process of elimination. Now, six of the characters were japanese and one was from venezuela. His name was Paco Contrares, and his description was something like, "Paco worked very hard to come to Japan. He works very hard and sends the money home to his family in Venezuela. Without Paco, his family would be very poor." The kid in my class justified letting him die in the fire by saying, "Well, everyone knows immigrants are criminals." Of course, this is also the guy who learned English from the Wu-Tang Clan albums.

I've got a wicked hangover today. Partied like a rock star. It was good, but I hurt pretty bad right now. I'll post some more stuff this week.

Back by popular demand...

2005-05-16T07:41:00.000-07:00

Actually, that's kind of bullshit, since I'm definately not feeling the love from all of you out there anymore. In fact, I might be shutting down angryoptimism soon. Not sure what the point is anymore... I'll think about it. If you feel the need to convince me not to, please by all means.

So, I think I'm getting crazier. I was actually sitting there saying to someone on friday night, "wouldn't it be funny if cars, like humans had to go the bathroom, and not like exhaust, but like had to take a dump. I think it would funny as hell to hear something like, "Hey Bob, dammit, you're volvo just took a dump on my driveway again. Bad swedish sedan." "Since a ferrari is a very expensive car, do you think it's shit would, you know, smell better, like roses or something?"

And I wasn't even drunk...at that point. Of course, I also managed to make an extremely apropros analogy for the Japan experience, while discussing the merits of extending one's stay in the land of the rising sun. (not verbatim) "Japan is like the special ed. time out corner, it's okay to have a fit and slam yourself against the wall, instead of paying attention to the game, it's okay to spit out giberish and have a tantrum, since no one is expecting you to be able to participate anyway..."

I think that's why I love and hate this place so much. It's fun, but unproductive, which eventually starts to get to you. Oh well...

Today's Yahoo Horoscope!

2005-05-09T04:06:00.000-07:00

Gotta love this, Cancer, "People in authority are driving you nuts. Try not to be openly irritable."

I know a lot of people who would argue that this could be my permenant horoscope and if I read it everyday then astrology would be an exact science in my case.

I'm like Che Guevera with bling on...

2005-05-08T04:38:00.000-07:00

No, no, I didn't come up with the title of this post, all by myself. Actually, it's from a Jay Z song, and every time I hear it, I crack up at it's irony. Originally, I was going to write some more about Hong Kong, but honestly, I don't have much more to say. I can say that I'm really pissed that I'm still sick because of my trip there. Fortunately, the doctor gave me a grocery bag full of meds and I seem to be getting better. Tommorrow, I have to go back to school for my first time in about a week and a half. Things are a bit different this school year. Last school year, I never had Monday classes and the most classes on Friday. This year, eight of the thirteen classes I teach a week, are on Monday and Tuesday. And three of the classes are the first through third periods. I really hate this because I'm just not awake first period and feel that my students suffer because of it.

I'm still up in the air about where I'm going come August. I'm applying for three jobs in Tokyo, and also sending my resume to Burton Snowboards. One of the jobs I really, really want badly. It's as a multimedia producer/director at Bloomberg financial network. It's entry level, so I'm actually qualified. I would pretty much definately stay if I got this job. However, the other two are kind of blah, so getting one them wouldn't necessarily keep me here, although not getting any of these jobs will almost definately send me packing. However, I shouldn't open my mouth too soon, because new variables seem to be falling out of the sky by the day.

Today, I was Mr. Productive having cleaned my apartment, prepped my lesson plan, cooked multiple meals for later this week, and done a myriad of other exteremely mundane things. I think one of the biggest issues I've struggled with being an adult is that things just don't get done. I mean, yeah, a task gets finished, but it's a conveyer belt that just goes round and round. There's never really that moment where you can say, "ahh, all done," because there's always something else you need to get done. As a child, there's always an ending, but I guess that's because there's always someone else around to pick up the messes you don't notice, or shouldn't be expected to at that age. Ah, the wonders of adulthood.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you mother's out there, including my own, of course. Hope this day is merry and bright for everyone. Peace out.

Hong Kong Hustle...

2005-05-05T04:09:00.000-07:00

So, I'm back from my five day adventure in Hong Kong. All in all, it's a cool place to see, and very easy, since most people speak english to some degree. Although, it was a bit sketchier than I thought it would be. Of course, this was kind of an aspect of staying on the golden mile, since we were stupid and didn't make a hostel reservation until the last minute. The building we stayed in was sketchy as hell. And right along the stretch of road we stayed on, Nathan Road, I couldn't walk more than five feet without a different person asking me if I wanted one of the following things, "Tailored suit for you?" "Fake Watch?" "Fake Handbag" "Hashish." I actually had a guy follow me down the road trying to get me to smell his hashish. This is the one hassle I have found traveling through all of Asia (Japan excluded) as a white male. Whereas, I would take that over being female and constantly leered at, it's still kind of obnoxious.

Hong Kong is really good for food and fun and I wouldn't mind going back there in the future. We met a lot of cool people, as well as a lot of strange ones. There's this one strange German guy and his Phillipino girlfriend who tried to get us to go dancing with them. He was hammered and kept telling me how dangerous the Phillipines was, and how when he went there, he made sure not to wear his rolex or expensive clothes. There was the cool Irish guy who was offering his son up as a tour guide for my friend Molly if she ever made it to Dublin.

I would reccomend Hong Kong to anyone as a good place to go for a few days. However, no more than a week. It would probably start to get boring after that. It's a large city, with plenty of attractions, but the main ones you will actually go bother to see, or even want to for that matter, are probably limited. If you want to buy fake handbags, watches, tailored suits, or hashish, well all you have to do is walk around, and tons of people will haggle you. However, they aren't as pushy as in most places in southeast Asia. In Vietnam, families would use their smallest children to elicity feelings of guilt (which they virtually always succeed at doing). Actually, what might shock you in Hong Kong, is you will commonly end up in places where foreigners outnumber chinese, by a huge margin.

I will post more pictures and write more about the place in my next post.

Also, for any of you that want to be disturbed, my friend sent me a link to the silence of the lambs music video.

2005-05-05T04:08:00.000-07:00

Outside the Hong Kong Museum of history

Back streets of the Golden Mile. That ragged building in the back is where the hostel we stayed was located.

Where's Molly?

Golden Mile at night

That's a giant Buddha in the background. I could barely tell either

Is that Cher trying to seduce Macaulay Culkin?

Lin Po Monastery

Hong Kong Island from Kowloon Bay side

More Sketchy Golden Mile shots. Tailored suit? Fake Rolex? Fake Handbag? Hashish?

The Hong Kong light show

On the longest stretch of escalators in the world

Why'd you fill my sorrows, with the words you borrowed...

2005-04-26T17:07:00.000-07:00

The title of this post comes from a Damien Rice song that's been stuck in my head for the last few days. Actually, this has been a really good couple of weeks. Last Saturday, at the last minute I decided to go to this shitty club that we have in Urawa called club base. At Base I met this girl which was the inspiration for the last post. Last night, I went out to dinnner with her and it was one of the best nights I have ever had in japan. All I can say is--cho butterflies, cho butterflies. I'm already looking forward to the next time I see her.

Tonight I'm going to Hong Kong. I'll tell you all about it later...

What do you do?

2005-04-23T13:59:00.000-07:00

So, this is a question to pretty much all who are willing to answer. What do you do when you meet someone who turns your world upside down, even just for a night? Someone so beautiful and so cool, that all of sudden the future fades away into something so distant that it doesn't even register anymore? Someone who smiles and makes your insides melt into a mass of happiness? What do you do? What do you do....

And the winner is... Heroin

2005-04-19T06:50:00.000-07:00

It's a new school year, so I have to do a self-introduction lesson for all the incoming first years. I start off this lesson by dividing the students into groups and giving them a piece of paper. They then have five minutes to write all the words they associate with America. The words range from mundane, to bizarre, to downright stupid. Among my favorites were, "heroin" "coke (and not like coca cola since the kids wrote it right after heroin)" "Fat" "Princess Diana" "Hamburger" "Nice Body" and "Canada" .

I also give them a chance to ask me questions, and while this year no one asked about my penis, I did get asked, "Do you like women?" My problem is I have this raging desire to answer all these questions sarcastically with such replies as, "No, I only like to make passionate love with livestock." "Can you eat sushi?" "No, I haven't quite figured out the logistics of moving my jaw up and down in orderd chew, thus I must leave school during lunch to go the hospital so they can feed me intravenously." Other times, I just feel like being downright honest with questions like, "What kind of girl is your type," "Anyone that will sleep with me..." "Do you like dog?" "Yes, they taste wonderful with mustard, especially puppies, the cuter the better..." I need to stop running at night, I get too riled up.

"Hey, Affleck was the bomb in Phantoms, yo"

2005-04-15T20:02:00.000-07:00

Hey, what's up people? I'm doing pretty good these days. Sure, not everything is sunshine and roses, but hey, what can you do? Actually, I'm getting a little crazier these days, especially with the running. Last night, I got bored, so before hitting the bar, I went out and ran a 10k. Even shaved three minutes off my time, and did it in about 55 minutes. Unfortunately, my shoes suck, so I kind of messed up one of my feet. I want to get my 10k time under 50 minutes, but that's probably going to take some time. I think next month, I'm going to go down to the Imperial palace and try to do 20k on the trail that goes around it. We'll see though.

So, school is back in full effect, and I actually really like my students this year. They all seem really cool. The kids at my high school are really cool actually. One of my students from last year was sitting indian style on top of the lockers the other day, and when I passed by he screamed, "I am GOD!" in English. In proper English no less. My work is done.

Also, this week I flexed my culinary muscle by cooking dinner for some people. Everyone thought it was great, or hated it and was too nice to say anything. But, since they ate everything, I'm pretty sure I did a good job.

I realized something kind of strange the other day. Recently, I had a physical done here in Japan, just to make sure I wasn't dying or anything. And, of course, there's that part everyone (well, at least everyone with a penis and two testicles) dreads. "Turn your head and cough." And the doctor didn't do it. The strange part is, I almost felt offended. Was he discriminating against my balls? Is this the notorious Japanese racism I've heard so much about? What's wrong with my balls?

"You cannot run or ever hide it away, Something glorious is about to happen."

2005-04-08T20:22:00.000-07:00

Hello kiddies! This is my third attempt at trying to post on my blog, but since my computer is being evil, or maybe blogspot is, my posts have been getting erased. Probably a good thing, because the posts said certain things that I might regret posting later. I know, I know, lately I've been a real downer, but my mood is starting back on the upswing. All the garbage floating around in my head is starting to get pushed out in favor of looking at the positives of my situation. Life is what it is, and if I dwell on all the bad crap I'll miss all the good stuff.

As far as where I am right now, I'm starting to have second thoughts about staying in Japan for a third year. I'm thinking it might be time to come home. I'm sure that quick 180 is a shock to a couple of people, but there's something inside of me that's yearning to be back in the states with my friends. I used to be afraid going home was like quicksand, somewhere I'd get trapped and never get out of. Fortunately, I realized I'm too ADD to stay anywhere for too long. So, I'm weighing the options as to what I'm going to do. Option 1) Starting in August go traveling for a few months and see the following countries: Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos, Malaysia, Indonesia, China, Korea, Singapore, India, Russia, Taiwan 2) stay in Japan until December and take the proficiency test and then go home 3) stay in Japan for an undetermined amount of time.

I think my problem is that I'm just getting worn down by having to constantly speak Japanese and function in an environment where understanding what's going on isn't natural. It actually takes a good deal of my attention.

Aside from that, my brother and father came to Japan. It was a good time (wow, how male of me, being able to sum up a trip in one sentence).

I'm also getting really into running, which kind of sucks because I need new shoes, but they don't make them in my size here. However, I recently ran a 10k with ease and under an hour, so I've gotten really strong.

Well, that's about it for now...

2005-04-05T05:30:00.000-07:00

Can someone come up with a good caption for this picture? ?

Respect my Authority!!

Were you hoping for a miracle?

2005-04-01T07:13:00.000-08:00

Sorry, it's been a few days since I've blessed you dear readers with more pointless ramblings. However, I haven't been feeling the love from you either, as no one seems to want to comment anymore. So, I'm going to bitch and complain, and in general feel sorry for myself.

Speaking of feeling sorry for myself, today is April 1st. This commemorates five years of something or other, that's pretty much slipped my mind at this point. In honor of this comemoration, which has managed to fill my cynicism tank up, way past F, I've gotten drunk. Actually, not in honor of that person, who we shall not speak of (overt M. Night Shamalyan reference), but because I took my dad and bro to my host parents house. Of course, my dad felt it necessary to embarrass me to the point of me wanting to get up on the table and kick him in the face, but I guess that's what parents who you moved 6000 miles away to get away from, are for. Actually, it was a pretty good time.

I'm shipping my dad and bro to the airport tommorrow, and must say that, all in all, it was a really good visit. Although short, with my family, it seemed like just about the right amount of time.

Also, during this trip another file from the bureau of complete randomness. I was telling my dad about how this clothing store in Japan has started selling American university sweatshirts, and they've become really popular. This of course confuses the crap out of Americans because you see people wearing them and assume they must have gone there. I was in a bar and a guy was wearing a cornell sweatshirt, and I asked him if he went there, and he had no idea it was even a university. So, the other day, sitting at a coffee shop in harajuku (trendy tokyo fashion district for young freaks, who aspire to be vampires) I see this young guy walking down the street, and he's wearing a Colby shirt. I graduated from Colby, and it's a school of only 1800, so I figured, he must have gone there. Why the hell would they make a colby sweatshirt like that, it's too small. So, I'm sitting in this outside enclosure, thats got glass panel walls, with gaps inbetween each panel. Thus, I start flailing, and practically slamming myself against the wall, and yelling in Japanese, and english, trying to ask if this guy went to colby, and he just looked at me like I was completely crazy. Most people from Colby looked at me like I was crazy, so I'm used to it, but this guy definately didn't go there. Now, I just really want to know where he got the shirt? Well, that's it, sorry kind of a letdown.

One more little nuggest of useless information. I'm looking into starting a podcast radio show. Stay tuned for more info...

When does this black tunnel end?

2005-03-27T05:53:00.000-08:00

Today is a bad day. A lot of days are bad days. Sometimes, they come from nowhere, they've just been lurking around the corner, or hiding in some shrubbery. They jump out onto you and wrestle you to the ground, forcing themselves into you. Other times, someone sets them off. And still other times, you make yourself a punching bag, for whatever subgenre of innate self loathing, and someone takes a swing. I'm a little bit of all of these today. Although, I have all my limbs and shit, so I guess I should be happy. Of course, I hate when people say crap like that, because it's complete and utter bullshit. I know this. I've taken a lot of hits in my life. Shit, I've lost count of how many friends and family have died, and all the bad crap. You just have to deal with this crap, because most of it is luck of the draw, and you can't let it control you. A lot of people had it a lot worse then I did, a lot of people didn't. Pain is relative. Some people have asked me how I could endure certain things in my life, and I tell them you just deal with it because you have no choice. Last week, I was hanging out with a guy who was on leave from the army. He's a second lt., stationed near fallujah in Iraq. I'm sure he's haunted by what he's seen. I'm sure he's watched friends die, and my heart goes out to a guy who has to carry that burden. But, eventually, I'm sure it becomes relative. You have to adjust, whether you want to or not. In the same vain, looking at his position and mine, or course, I feel really lucky not to have to be in combat, but that doesn't minimize the pain that has been inflicted on me of late. The flip side of this, of course, is exactly what I was saying before. You get used to everything. And this won't hurt forever. It will dwindle and fade, into a footnote, I put in the autobiography, I keep in my head.

On a lighter note, my dad and brother shall be making an appearance in the land of the rising sun tomorrow. Actually, they're probably getting on the plane fairly soon. Wow, they're going to have a crappy day. That flight is pretty bad. It's like fourteen hours, and it definitely feels like fourteen hours. I'm going to meet them, and then spend the week showing them around Tokyo. Should be cool. I need something to get my mind off of lately. Yes, the present, that thing which keeps haunting me, and won't go away. Although, everyday promises something new, or some shit like that. I'm still wondering how people stay optimistic. I think they're just faking it, and are really twisted people that like annoying the shit out of the rest of us... Everyone have a nice week. I will try to drop a post eventually, but management might be tied up in business meetings for the duration of the week.

Goodbye Ryan...

2005-03-24T18:17:00.000-08:00

Last night, I had planned to stay in and do some laundry and all that. However, my friend Andy gave me a call, and he and his friends had come down to Tokyo for the night, so I ended up down there. It was a good time, but I found out something very disturbing while I was down there. One of my friends died last summer and I had no idea. Apparently, it was right after I left from my visit there. His name was Ryan and I worked with him at Rhodeside Grille. He had a bad heart, and one night he was in a car accident. Somehow, it jarred his heart, and he ended up having heart attack and dying. This suprised the hell out of me. Andy thought I knew, so when he mentioned it, he was really suprised to see I had no idea at all. It seems like I've had a lot of friends die. I'm not really sure how to feel about this anymore. I hadn't seen Ryan in a while, maybe a year and half or so, but he was a good guy. I hope he's at peace.

Turnin' away from the light...

2005-03-24T08:40:00.000-08:00

So, I'm completely in love with a group called bloc party. Go buy their album silent alarm, right now. I mean it, don't wait, go right this instant, and buy it. It's one of the most addictive albums I've ever heard, mostly because it's all so catchy. I've got the song "like eating glass" stuck in my head.

What else is new? I went incommunicado with the former. I will from now refer to her as the former, as she has asked me to not label her the ex. I'm a nice guy, most of the time, so, for the time being I'm going to actually abide by this request. Of course, I'm given to rapid mood swings (it's the bloating, I swear), who knows how long consistency will grace this reprieve. No, actually, I have no venom to spit these days. Afterall, I'm a lover, not a hater. So, as Jamie Kennedy says, "don't be a hater."

Actually, lately, I thought about how many guys I know that have been really messed up by their former girlfriends. I mean, the girls that end up fucked up, obviously picked a real winner because they end up the worst of the worst, by far, but (and many of my female friends agreed) I know more guys that have ended up completely messed up in the head by women at the end of a relationship(mostly normal relationships). Now, I had a deep discussion with one of my good friends. She and I ended up agreeing that this is probably more to the fact that the man is expected to be fucked up, and the woman sweet and perfect. So, when it ends up in between, well, everything seems more extreme. Although, because of a couple of friends, who were really messed up by girls, that even I trusted, and I'm not a particularly trusting person, I can definitely say that on an emotional level, women seem to be able to mess up men more. I mean, I don't want to splay the pages of my altruistic blog with anecdotes of past misdeeds, but all I'll say, is that if I did, the stories about what happened to my close friends would shock and horrify you. Actually, I wouldn't even classify this as a male/female thing, because the people who did this, pretended to be human beings, while actually being a base simplistic form of life, based purely on selfishness. In truth, what I think is that men take so much longer to actually be able to open up, and let their emotions out, they end up in a more vulnerable position. Women share their feelings with each other. Men scratch their crotches, drink beer, and share sports statistics. Thus, when we feel, we don't know how to cope with it as much. We're left defenseless. Not to say men don't hurt women. In fact, men hurt women much more. We usually do it smaller, more thoughtless ways, though. Like forgetting your birthday, or running over your mother with a pickup truck.

Personally, I don't think women are worse then men, nor men worse then women. I think that the men that are bad, are so bad, as to bring a bad name on the rest of men. I also think that there are a lot of bad women out there. It doesn't mean I give up on either. In fact, I was watching a movie last night called the fisher king, and one of the characters says something to the effect of, "I don't think man was created in God's image, I think men were created in the devil's image, and women were created in God's image. Women can give birth afterall. I think we're made this way so that when men and women get together, it's like God and the Devil trying to work things out."

Me, I personally think that women are amazing. It's going to take a lot to make me think different. Women have that ability to look at you, and make you feel whole, and safe for a moment. They give men that moment to let down the guard they've been taught as little boys to always hold up. I don't know if love conquers all, but it sure conquers a lot. And you never feel quite alive until there's someone else to share who you are with. Anyways, I wouldn't want the world to just be guys, because you can only scratch your nuts for so long, and I don't know that many sports statistics...

The existential K-Hole...

2005-03-22T08:56:00.000-08:00

So, back in my candy raver days, (which are kind of like your salad days, only involving people dressed up in either baggy clothes, or angel costumes, listening to techno music, and grinding their teeth), I had a friend that used to indulge in an illegal substance known as special K, or Ketamine. He loved this stuff. I will call him, the ODB. Although, unfortunately, he wasn't the ODB of Wu Tang notoriety, he was notorious for his strange antics on my university campus. Well, I once asked him why he liked this stuff so much, and what it did. No, I never sampled the product myself, but I was curious as to why people liked it since, everyone I saw doing it, just sat their and drooled on themselves mumbling, "I'm in a k-hole, I'm in a k-hole, I'm in a k-hole..." I didn't need drugs in order to reach this diminutive state, and pretty much found myself like this in any class I took and actually bothered to attend before 11am. He told me that it felt like you were in a hole, deep inside your body. Like your body was way bigger than the rest of you, and you were buried within yourself.

And now the post gets serious. The problem I had with this, is, I always felt that way regardless. In college, I was always clawing, and grasping for an identity, and since I couldn't find one, usually just cobbled it together out of general purpose animosity, ingrained sociological images of coolness, and everyday fear of vulnerability. Unfortunately, this stuff is soft at first, kind of like paper mache, and after it dries, it's a real bitch to peel away. That's what I feel like I've been doing. I feel like I've been growing into my skin, and clawing away this dead useless shit I used to create some form of identity. How many of you have created an identity for the benefit of someone else, then, all of a sudden, you find yourself acting that way all the time? You've managed to convinced yourself that you are something, and not necessarily that you aren't, but something that you inherently don't understand. I kept finding myself doing things and thinking, "What the hell am I doing this for?" All this for the verisimilitude (yeah, college English major) of being a whole person. So, about 18 months ago, I asked myself a simple question, "when is it okay to be the person I am, for the benefit of myself?" And sure, you can't always do this. I really get impatient with stupid people. I really hate ignorance. And I really hate mimes and clowns. If I could walk up to these people, and give them a swift kick to the groin everyday, it would make life that much brighter. Of course, you have to smile at your boss, and not tell him that he's a complete jackass. However, I don't feel like I'm in that hole anymore. I feel like I've found myself and am comfortable in my own skin. And I also realized that you just got to find time, to be who you are, and be okay with that, even if you don't know completely who you are. It's just about excepting what you know to be true. Otherwise, you might end up like Tony Danza or Carrot Top, on stupid telephone scam commercials, earning money for blow... oh yeah, and in the words of Nas, "A thug changes, and love changes, and best friends become strangers..."

2005-03-22T08:55:00.000-08:00

Me in Roppongi, Pimpin' it!!

My friend Carlee's birthday party in Roppongi. Good thing this photo was taken early in the night, because it went all down hill from there...

Me and my sweet ride!! Wheeeeee!!

Did I say forty days, I meant four weeks...

2005-03-17T23:59:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I know I'm going to get a lecture for this, but I broke down and had some beer on St. Patrick's day. I had not had a drink in about 27 days. That's pretty damn good, but I wanted to do forty. Unfortunately, I picked the worst time of the year to do it. However, I did discover that I don't really like drinking as much as a I thought I did, and am going to try to keep it to a minimum. I actually just like sitting around with my friends and socializing. The drinking just seems to be something you do during that time. I don't really need it anymore. All my other resolutions I've managed to stick to though. I'm also considering just starting the forty days all over again, but maybe not. We'll see. Anyone have a bet on when I was going to break down?

You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run...

2005-03-16T06:29:00.000-08:00

So, another poker night has ended, only this time it was all smiles for me. I more than doubled my money, walking away with 54$ profit, which will probably pay my cell phone bill. Love the cell phone's and service here, but you definately pay for the quality.

Tommorrow, I have another day of absolutely nothing. I'm looking forward to a good two hours of drooling at my desk, then leaving work four hours early. "Yeah, I'm just going to lunch, I swear." Actually, my school really doesn't care what I do, and I was having second thoughts about not recontracting. So, I called up my local board of education and asked if I could stay on, but they said it probably wouldn't be possible to do so as a JET, but they would inquire. Of course, after about five minutes, I realized that I was giving into my laziness and I needed to do something else. Sure, I can promise myself I'll do all these great things, with the oodles of free time I have, but that's complete and utter bullshit. I will most likely do the exact same thing I'm doing right now, jackshit. Actually, I'm going to try to get my Japanese skill way up in the next few months, which will take a lot of mindless memorization, but will pay off in the long run. Lately, I've realized, there's a good chance I will be here for a long while. As much as another two to three years. The Japan vortex has me, might as well ride along, until it spits me out... Hopefully, I'll find a good job in Tokyo, and life will be just swell...

Yeah, I screwed up again...

2005-03-15T21:42:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I was right the first time. On Valentine's day, the woman gives something to the man, and white day the man gives something to the woman. Whoops, my bad....

So, no one dares to take the haiku challenge. Well, screw you hippies then.

Happy White Day!!

2005-03-14T06:49:00.000-08:00

Okay, I want to apologize for part of my Valentine's Day post from about a month ago, because I kind of Dan Rathered it. Yes, I didn't bother to fact check my reporting, and thus made a false claim about Valentine's Day in Japan. On Valentine's day in Japan, men in fact do give presents to their girlfriends, fuck buddies (in Japanses pronounced Sexoo Friendoe), mistresses, prostitutes they regularly frequent, and of course disgruntled and equally unfaithful wives. However, on March 14, White Day in Japan, this tradition is inverted. So, the men receive this time. Although, I wonder what gay men do on this day. Does the "man" in the relationship get the gift, or do both?

Although, no fine ladies out there gave me any gifts, life gave me one of the best gifts of all. Today was my last day of Elementary school, ever. Yup, that's right, no more going to those cess pools of nut grabbing, unhygenic little pirana demons, that swarm on me, and try poke their fingers in my butt. Seriously though, only one school was ever really like that, although, I've heard of some schools being much worse. I also have the advantage of looking pretty scary, and could probably make a lot of first and second graders crap their pants if I tried. Actually, teaching at elementary school has been a lot of fun, and in some ways, I will miss having students that are actually lively and interested in learning english. But, I'm worn out. Teaching that age group is unbelievably wearing. Mostly because you have to act like you just swallowed ten grams of meth, and chased it with an eight ball of crack. Elementary school teachers should be paid a lot more for what they go through.

Lately, the title of my blog, Angry Optimism, has only been apropro as a reflection of my life, and state of mind in the anger department. The optimism has been pimping itself out for pocket change somewhere on the mean streets of Saitama City. Recently, it's drunken smelly as came kicking through my front door, and passed out somewhere under my kitchen table, after licking up some three day old bran flakes that made it down there. It was pretty pathetic. So, I cleaned it up and nursed it back to health, and honestly, I've been feeling really good lately. It might be the exercise (I've dropped ten pounds in four weeks), the extra sleep, the good diet, or the lack of an IV of Jack Daniels straight to the liver. Or maybe, just maybe, I realized that I was just totally wrong about my whole life, and that's okay. So, I'm not so angry, a little bit petulant maybe, and definitely with a heaping spoonful of crazy, but lacking that rage, at pretty much everyone, especially really really stupid people. Actually, one of my students was wearing a shirt that seemed to sum up the essence of how I feel:

It is well that a dream suits. The ardent wish of moss. A very fortunate feeling. I will play happily.

It really hits home, doesn't it?

And in honor of this sea change, I've decided to give you a little dioxin laden clam chowder for the mid-20's existential crisis having, since I doubt there's a God, purported human essence called the soul:

Drooling at my desk
Hey, That is my beer shithead
No talent ass clown

Makes you think, doesn't it? Okay, Management at Angry Optimism has thrown down the gauntlet and would like to issue a haiku challenge to everyone. The winner will be decided by me, and receive absolutely nothing for their efforts, not even my respect. Actually, if anyone gets the dioxin reference, I might give you a golf clap. Post your haikus in the comment box, and I will take some of the best ones and post them in the body later. Also, extra points for blatently ripping off awesome movies like Office Space. All right people, keep the party rockin...

Jack Johnson and Jack Bauer?

2005-03-11T15:37:00.000-08:00

So, maybe I've been watching too much 24 and listening to too much Jack Johnson. Combine this with my current (and ongoing) contempt for my job, and the instituion that sponsors it has caused some pretty wacky dreams of late. Last night, (and you will only understand this if you watch 24), I was speeding along in a car with Secretary of Defense James Heller, and terrorists were chasing us. We were driving through the forest. Also, there was a bomb implanted in Heller's chest. All of sudden, it jumped to the building I have staff meetings in, and everyone is just sitting there at various tables and either staring blankly or studying. Then, my friend Toni, who is from Jamaica, looks at me, and then looks forward, and starts singing Jack Johnson's "Better Together." Instead of people seeing this as strange, everyone started singing it in unison. What the hell is wrong with me, and did that bomb in Heller's body ever go off?

Damn you Gold's Gym... oh wait, nevermind...

2005-03-09T04:36:00.000-08:00

Today was Graduation at my high school, so I decided to swank up my style a notch and go dressed in one of the brand new suits I had made for me in Vietnam. The suit is a pretty pimp, pinstriped suit. Small gray pinstripes, wide spaced, and definately understated. While, these suits were fitted to me correctly, when I had them tailored I never thought that I might get motivated to drop the extra pounds I've been carrying around since college. So, the pants are just a tad loose. Also, since I've been hitting the weights, the jacket no longer fits comfortably around the shoulders. I felt like one of those charicatures of muscle bound gorillas in double breasted suits. In general, this is becoming a chronic problem. While, I do like the baggy style, things are getting a little out of control. My boxers are falling down. In the morning, after I jump out of the shower and put on my boxers, if I'm not careful, I end up mooning my neighbor. I feel like I'm in looney toons.

Graduation was cool, but kind of boring. My ankle was killing and I had to stand through it, so it kind of blew in that regard. I would post pictures, but I was in the back of the gym, so I don't have any good ones.

Aside from that, I've hit eighteen days, no smoking, no drinking, exercising everyday (except one, because my ankle was hurting real bad), and eating good food. Oh yeah, and not biting my nails. So, for all you hateas out there, don't worry, I still got twenty two more days to fuck up. Ah, and another wonderful day at elementary school tommorrow.... Oh yeah, Luis, got to give you props for guessing the song the other day, which was Bright Eyes - The first day of my life. All right people, have a good day.

"These things, there's no telling, we just have to wait and see, but I'd rather be working for a paycheck, then waiting to win the lottery..."

2005-03-07T02:36:00.000-08:00

So, I like to use song lyrics as the title of my posts, so if anyone can figure out the songs, drop it in the comment box. I highly doubt anyone is going to guess the current one.

And so begins the first day of the rest of my life. Today, was also the first day of the last week I have to teach elementary school kids, forever!!! They can be a lot of fun, but man, are they tiring. And now, for some reason, they think they can just jump up and touch my head. I know, I know, it's smooth as a baby's ass and that's a magnet for errant hands, but if one does it, they all start to do it, and it becomes like a pirahana feeding frenzy. Also, they all want me to sign my autograph for them. It's really freaky, actually. They just think it's amazing that we can write our names like that.

Let's see, what else is going on in good ol' Saitama. Wednesday is graduation at my high school. Most students will be moving on to becoming a cog in the system, or quite possibly incarcerated by the system. Actually, that's bullshit, but one guy told me point blank that my school wasn't particularly smart, but they could kick your ass in soccer. A lot of the kid's think they're straight up thugs. One guy, instead of wearing his uniform shirt, wears a shirt that says gangsta for life. Another kid, instead of uniform pants, wears big baggy sean john pants. They all think they're so hard, and it's hilarious to me.

Aside from that, I've been thinking about how everyone has such twisted logic, myself included. It's amazing the shit that we can convince ourselves of. Screw you, I don't have to qualify that statement either.

Go get these albums...

2005-03-03T17:34:00.000-08:00

So, I've been listening to a lot of different music lately, but probably one of the best albums I've come across in a long time is, The Arcade Fire - Funeral. Go check it out, it's really, really good.
Another recommendation is Wilco - A Ghost is Born and TV on the Radio - Desperate Youth, Blood Thirsty Babes. I know, I know, crazy, I'm listening to a diverse lot these days.

Til I opened my eyes and walked out the door and the clouds came tumbling down, and it's bye-bye, goodbye I tried...

2005-03-03T17:09:00.000-08:00

Today is a bad day. I woke up late for school, to find that it was snowing outside, so I couldn't drive to school. So, I took the train and then walked thirty minutes in the slush to school. Fortunately, I had an extra pair of socks in my bag (for the gym, no, I'm not that crazy). I guess I understand why my dad is so adamant about dry socks. In the train station, I started crying while listening to the song Ben Folds - Landed. Not balling, but more like a faucet drip. I gritted my teeth and tears just started falling out, so I ducked my head down and kept going. I guess it was one of those, oh my god, how did everything change like this, how could I have been so wrong about everything moments, I've been fighting off lately. So, now I'm at school, with nothing to do, sad, and growing more obsessive. I know, I know, you guys are sick of hearing about this, but right now, it's consuming my thoughts. I still wake up, hoping she'll be next to me. Early in the morning, sometimes when I take a breath, I swear I smell her shampoo on my pillow. I really need to stop reading her blog, because I see that she's happy with this new guy, and I should be happy for her. Everyone deserves to be happy. And I didn't make her happy. So, I guess, good on her. I just wish I could let it go, but instead, i feel either completely detatched, like a spectator to my own life. Like I'm floating above myself, and watching my body go through the motions. Or, when I let myself feel something, it's so extreme, that I quickly retreat. Lately, I've found myself spontaneously laughing or crying. I don't cry either. I mean, yeah, I cry when people die, but that's about it. My friend and I were talking about this the other day, not specifically my situation, but relationships in general. She said something to my comment that I think a lot of guys take break ups worse then women, that she hopes this doesn't manifest itself into "the one that got away" problem, because she knows guys that have been fucked up by it for a long time. Years, even. I think that the sad part of this whole situation is the realization that I thrive on pain. Ever since this stuff started, I've been so self critical and introspective, that I have a laser like focus. I've made goals and I'm taking the steps to accomplish them. I think I'm going to need to let this one bleed out, I'm going to have to feel it and it's going to hurt bad.

On another note, I have always liked that native americans have cool names, like running bear, and crow that flies in the night. Shit like that. So, I looked up the etymology of my full name, Gregory Blair Cosgrove. It roughly translates to "triumphant Guardian from the fields." Cosgrove and Cosgrave (original family name) mean triumphant. Blair means of the fields or of the battlefields. Gregory means vigilant watch, or watcher, and I believe in greek it means Guardian. What does your name mean?

Tune in tomorrow: will Greg escape the joker and the riddler's evil chinese water torture machine, will he falter and start drinking again, will continue to just go to the gym obsessively for the catharsis, find out tomorrow, same bat time, same bat channel.

Forty-two...

2005-03-02T16:15:00.000-08:00

Lately, I've been pondering my place on this rock, floating in the black ocean of space. Usually, at times like this, I'd be wallowing in self-pity, but I work out so much now, I can't be depressed. My body won't let me because I have such a huge amount of endorphins running through my system. Yesterday, I was in Starbucks and struck up a conversation with this young guy who looked to be about my age. He was wearing a Boston Red Sox hat, so I asked him where he was from. He told me he was from Ohio. And it turns out the guy was a professor of English at Urawa University, was married and had three kids, and had been living in Japan on and off for seven years. Yet, I thought he was twenty three. Regardless, we were talking about Japan, and he was saying how he went back to the US in January and hated it. He said he was shocked by how rude everyone was. I realized that lately, I haven't appreciated Japan for what I loved about it in the first place. This isn't such a bad place to sort out your life.

Although, if I get asked if I can use chopsticks one more time, I think I'm going to kill someone. I was in elementary school teaching one time, and was eating lunch with the kids (school lunch, a discussion for another day). One of the kids brought me a tray, and there was only a spoon with it, so I asked the teacher for chopsticks, and she just sat there staring at me in shock, kind of convulsing slightly, too. Then, she went and fetched a pair of chopsticks from her desk and handed them to me, with slight trepidation. Now, at this point, it seemed like she was afraid that I was allergic to chopsticks or something. I was hungry, so I did what a hungry person with chopsticks does, I snapped them apart (they come connected) and started eating. I'm not sure what the teacher expected me to do with them, but all of a sudden she says in a rising pitch, "JOOZZU", which translates into 'good at, skilled at.' Then, she said something to me in Japanese, which I thought I heard wrong because of how shearly bizarre a request it was, but upon repition of the request found out I was right. She wanted me to stand in front of the class, and demonstrate my ability to use chopsticks correctly. I obliged by contracting my chopsticks a few times, and the whole class burst out into applause. Now, I realize I studied pseudo-useless subjects in college, but I did end up with a bachelor's degree. They realize I'm a college graduate, and somehow think, the mysterious mechanics of proper chopstick use is beyond the grasp of a foreigner. Weird...

Adam and Eve and Adam and Steve...Gay Marriage: my views episode 2

2005-02-27T16:03:00.000-08:00

Okay, so Gay marriage seems to be one of those hot button issues that republicans use to woo hardline conservatives and ignorant rednecks alike. "God Bless America, and fuck them queers, too (country music accent)." When I was at Colby, the campus was embroiled in a struggle with the Gay community that bordered on hyperbolic, and drove me up the wall. The reason it drove me crazy was that I felt that the Gay community wanted more power and say over the campus then everyone else. They didn't want to work with people, they wanted everyone to work for them, and as one of my friends very aptly put, "their hate drowned out their passion."

I felt they were being unreasonable, mostly because of their tactics of saying things like my (white straight male) opinions didn't count because of who I was. The point I'm trying to make is that I feel that if we play divide and conquer, a fight always incurs, and someone always loses. However, what gay men and women are asking for is hardly unreasonable. They want to be equally recognized and protected under the law as a couple. I love how Americans proclaim our country as being the bastion of peace and freedom, yet our country is mired with prejudice and hate. Again, this is a case that has everything to do with religion. My question is, how would justification hold up under cross examination in court. So, why can't gay men and women who love each other get married? Because God said so. What, did she come down and personally tell you? She? Well, no, not exactly, but in the bible it says... In the bible? Do you have any proof, a signed notorized statement, a witness perhaps, that any edict, but this so called, "God" actually made this unbreakable rule? No, but the church has issued many edicts about how sodomy is wrong, and a sin... The Church, yeah, like they really have a problem with sodomy (laugh from the jury)....

I guess I just think that it makes no sense to discriminate against anyone. If people love each other, let them marry.

"If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now"

2005-02-27T06:52:00.000-08:00

The above quote comes from the book I'm currently reading, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I recommend all of of you go pick it up and read it, as it's truly hilarious. Also, in April the movie will be coming out and here's an awesome new trailer.

And forty days, forty nights continues (insert stupid Josh Harnett reference here). If I hadn't mentioned it before, I'm quitting drinking for this period of time. However, I haven't mentioned, I'm quitting smoking, working out everyday, eating right, and quitting biting my nails too. Day 8 is ending right now, and aside from drinking, I'm glad to have rid myself of every other bad habit. Drinking, I miss, mostly because life is really fucking boring. That's just a general statement. I'm also trying to lose 30lbs by my birthday. Since I've already lost 7 lbs in the last two weeks, I'm doing pretty well.

Let's see, what else, oh yeah, I bought an ipod shuffle, just because I can, and I wanted it for when I work out. So, I've loaded it up with lots of angry white man music and gangsta rap. The synergistic qualities of gangsta rap and weight lifting have never been tested, but for god's sake, have any of you seen how ripped 50 cent and half those other rappers are? Me, not so much. I don't have a six pack, I got a keg.

This weekend has been pretty boring. I'm going a little crazy. Actually, I've been so bored these last two days, I'm actually looking forward to going to work today, all i can say is, what the fuck? It's been like bizarro world lately. I deal with feeling like shit by actually quitting the drink, and exercising. I think I'm just doing this because I need to be in a pissing contest with someine, in this case, myself.

Why I will never buy a Volkswagen...

2005-02-26T02:39:00.000-08:00

I really hate the new Volkswagen beetle and everything it stands for. I love the old school ones because they had this strange sense of style. You see someone driving an old school beetle and it just screams out, "I might have, or might have not fucked a trucker named Jerry in the last rest stop bathroom because he could recite the words to 'Terrapin Station' backwards, in under thirty seconds," or "I managed to snag a pair of tickets to see the Dead, by trading twenty grams of dank Indian hash, my friends Moses and Moonbeam smuggled into the country." I guess my affinity also comes from the game, "punchbuggy." Hours of thrilling edge of your seat excitement that drove my parents crazy during road trips. If you don't know the game, it goes like this: you see an old beetle, you scream "punchbuggy (then the color of it)" and punch the person sitting next to you. My brother and I did this for a long time, and then we just stopped one day, and I knew my childhood was over. Also, I associate old beetles with hippies, and in general, I like hippies. Sure, their hygiene as a group could use a refresher course, but honestly, most hippies I knew weren't dirty, they just had that awful patchouli stink. Yeah, you know the one. I especially like angry hippies, only because their emotional turmoil conflicts with their beliefs of love and peace, yet also spring from those beliefs, and I think that makes them the most real of all.

However, I hate what my friend calls 'trustafarians,' of which we all know at least one. And for some reason, I associate the new Beetle with these kinds of people, despite never having seen a trustfarian driving one. Oh, by the way, a trustafarian is a trust fund hippy of a certain ilk. I can't diss trust funds, since I got one, and it paid for all of my higher education (along with some of the more unfortunate years of my lower ed. too.), and not all hippies with trust funds are trustafarians. In general, what qualifies you as a trustfarian is if you're beliefs are out of whack with your lifestyle, yet you refuse to admit it, and in fact, persecute those who live the same way as you without the trimmings of the so-called 'hippy way.' These trimmings include, but are not limited to, 1. a special section of your audio collection devoted purely to Phish, Grateful Dead, or other "Jam-Bands" 2. A large glass bong that cost as much as a lower end computer 3. surface knowledge of the basic principles of socialism and communism, gleaned from a krib sheet without a deeper knowledge of the context of these theories. 4. A gas guzzling suburban (or similar SUV) that has green peace sticker on it 5. dread locks that were professionally done, so as to avoid the need for patience 5. An ounce indoor, hydroponic weed, give or take a little, all the time. 7. Falafel, and lots of it. 8. A dirty trustafarian boyfriend or girlfriend that is actually even more obnoxious. 9. Owning nine pairs of the same pants, so you can act like you only own one, thus minimizing your acquired social guilt for wearing clothes made from by the tiny little hands of child exploitation. There are many more, and if any of you would like to add to this list, drop a note in the comment box. My point being, I hate the new beetle because it offends the sensibilities of the original. It was a cheap everyman's car. Now, the new beetle is about a lifestyle statement. The new beetle to me would be like paying 35$ for a can of spam. It just doesn't make any sense. Just like trustafarians trying to act like hippies just because they need an identity. Maybe I'm just an asshole...

Yet again, the end of an era...

2005-02-25T06:30:00.000-08:00

I know, I know, I'm depressing and boring you all with stories of the turbulence in my life right now, but this is the end of a much longer era. An era that began long before my ancestors even though about coming to America. You see, Governor Dummer Academy is changing it's name, due to jokes made. It's sad because when I drove up to Colby I would see the sign for it, and would always laugh, "thinking, is that a school for, you know, special needs kids." In actuallity, it's the oldest independent boarding prep school in the United States, and very prestigious too.

Me and the girl had the goodbye talk today. It was a good talk that allowed both of us to let go of a lot of feelings. It turns out there was a lot of miscommunication, ooh, big suprise there. Mostly because I have the same capacity to emote as a rock. Sure, I'll be sad for a while, but I guess it's what needed to happen. Maybe someday, our paths will cross again, and things will work out, but, right now, it's time to get on with my life. I will miss talking to her, but, it's better that we said goodbye and kept this from dragging out too long. I don't think I could have taken much more of it.

Aside from that, tonight I attended the degenerate gamblers society monthly meeting, a.k.a. Saitama City assistant english teacher payday poker game. I was up, but I got a bad beat. Had a strong straight, the other guy made his flush. He played it right, I didn't walk out when I should, so I only ended up ten dollars, instead of forty, walking out. Oh well, shit happens...

"Happiness is the absence of striving for happiness" -Chuang Tzu

2005-02-24T05:12:00.000-08:00

I love that quote. Today was another strange day. The one thing I'm really sure of is inevitability, and lately, it had been learing around me. Just kind of poking it's head around corners, and I kept catching it staring at me, and it would quickly turn it's head. Today, it finally pounced, savagely ripping away at me. Actually, it wasn't that bad. I guess, at this point, I've gone through the classic stages of death, emotionally. First, shock, total shock at that point. Kind of like being blindsided by a car. Then, denial, followed by anger. Bargaining came after that, then grief, and finally acceptance. There isn't much I can do in this situation, so, I guess, I just popped out of the fog of grief prematurely. Not to say I'm not sad, and will be for a long time, but I guess what happened was meant to happen.

This came at a strange time, because for the first time, I'm starting to feel happy. Sure, I'm sad about the disingration of a relationship, which I still blame predominantly on myself (although, she definately has some responsibility in it, just not as much as me, in my opinion). I learned a lot from this experience though, and in fact have learned a lot about life in the last year and half, as well. Recently, I've decided what path I want to take in life, and have chosen journalism as my calling. Hopefully, I will matriculate into a master's program either in January, or August of 2006. My top choices being Columbia and Berkley, although both are long shots. And, recently, I realized that I used to really hate myself because I wasn't becoming the person I hoped I would. My psyche was mired in anger and resentment, but today, I'm more the person I've wanted to be then ever before. I guess that's the important part, and now I feel I can deal with what life will throw at me. So, as the Oasis song goes, "Don't look back in anger, I heard you say."

Oh yeah, and I got hit by a car today. It wasn't too bad, it didn't even knock me off the scooter since he decided to switch lanes and didn't bother to check if someone was next to him. I elbowed his window, and he realized the error or his way. Of course, he kind of leared at me afterward, like it was my fault that he was so irresponsible as to not look before changing lanes.

Also, it's snowing harder that I've ever seen it snow in Japan. I had to ride home in it, which kind of sucked. I've never told anyone this about myself, but one of the thing I really loved about Maine was driving in snowstorms. The snow rushing towards the winshield and spiraling up above you. I always thought it was beautiful. Driving in the snow on a scooter, SUCKS! I got to go for now, got to finish melting the icicle hanging off my nuts... Have a wonderful day everyone...

In times like these, in times like those, what will be will be, and so it goes...

2005-02-21T19:51:00.000-08:00

I'm really happy that a new Jack Johnson album is coming out soon. March 1st actually. For those of you who don't know Jack Johnson, get up right now, no, don't finish reading this, just get up and go to the nearest music store and buy his cds. Closed? Break in, just find a brick and smash the window, that way it's even free.

Anne is the one who introduced me to this musician, although, she's convinced I hate him, as she is also convinced that I hate anything she likes.

Well, I'm bored as crap, sitting at my school. Tonight I have to go down to Tokyo to teach a private class that I'm beginning to loathe, thoroughly and relentlessly. Hopefully, tonight I will be able continue expounding my personal views of the world, but I wouldn't hold your breath. Most likely, I'll come home and collapse, exhausted. We'll see.

"No point mentioning those bats, I thought. The poor bastard will see them soon enough." RIP Hunter S. Thompson 1937-2005

2005-02-21T03:19:00.000-08:00

It seems like literary genius is dropping slowly disappearing into the ether lately. For Hunter S. Thompson that could be taken many ways. Sadly, last night, Hunter S. Thompson commited suicide last night. For me, I will never forget Tom Levings dead on impression of the crazy journalist from Fear and Loathing Las Vegas. It's too bad so many talented people are so tormented.

Board of Ed. corruption, the dreaded 5k, and God's politics, my views part 1

2005-02-21T02:31:00.000-08:00

So, I'm starting a series of posts, which outline my view on life, but first, I'll update you on my life. I just got back from running 5k, and let me tell you, it hurt. So, I'm on this whole kick to change my life, which includes, dropping the extra pounds, becoming much more physically fit, quitting smoking, cutting down the drinking (although for the next 5 weeks, it's no booze at all), and stopping biting my nails. I figure trying small manageable goals hasn't worked that well for me, so why not bite off more than I can chew. Yes, because I'm that stubborn, and will probably stick to this, because it's a pissing contest with myself.

Also in the news, my employer, the Saitama City board of education is doing some really shady things. In Japan, you have to buy a phone line, and it costs about 700$. It's not a physical phone line, but the rights to have one. So, the JET ALT would simply sell theirs to the their successor, and so on. The Board of Ed. told all incoming ALTs they were required to buy this 700$ phone line, no arguments. However, this year, they told us that, that's illegal and we could only get back $80. So, everyone was pissed and raised a shitstorm (me excluded, because of a weird circumstance that made it so I didn't have to buy at all). So, the Board of Education instead of reimbursing the money, is going to give the angry mob gift certificates to whatever they request. I'm completely baffled by this, but they've been trying to clean up their books from years of corruption, recently, and the ALTs are commonly getting the shit end of the stick.

Okay, now for the first installment of my views, which of course I welcome any challenge. This is what I believe, and if you believe something else, well, this is no more an assault on your beliefs, then yours are on mine. I'll start with a real pot boiler-religion and God's politics.

Okay, I have to say that I think religion is one of the major things wrong with the world. First off, it doesn't make sense. Any of you gotten sick? Say, I don't know, a bad case of shingles, or perhaps bubonic plague, maybe some polio? Would you go back to the medical texts from two thousand years ago to find a cure for your maladities? No, you'd roll up to a hospital, get a doctor well versed in the modern understanding of homo sapien biology and diseases. This doctor would most likely give a prescription for a chemical compound, crafted to fight these illnesses, that was created with a modern understanding of the world. How can we completely and blindly follow these institutions that were created a couple thousand years ago, based on people's understanding of the world then. Shit, they still thought the world was flat. I don't trust most people, why am I going to trust a two thousand year old account of something that may or may not have happened, that has recieved numerous revisions along the way.

Philosophies I can understand. Buddhism seems cool to me. It's more of an idea, not a system of concrete, unbreakable beliefs that must be followed to the T. But, religion give rise to extremists and hardliners, who believe among other things that murdering children in the name of God is okay, and beating your wife, and not allowing her basic human rights because of something someone said, supposedly rubber stamped by God, two thousand years ago. Islam, Christianity, Judaism, they all need to go, all religion needs to go.

Now, don't get me wrong, I believe very strongly in God. I believe that an entity I like to call the G-man, created the construct and laws that govern it, that we call the universe. But, the God's of Religion are complete bullshit. I highly doubt God give a crap if I like bacon, if I like to throw some latex on my jimmy and have raucous pre-marital sex, or if I'm too busy to stroll down to a wooden building with a bunch of other people scared of eternal damnation, drop to my knees, and pray, and pray, and up, and sing, and sing. So, I don't give a shit about eating a wafer with a cross on it.

I don't think Muhommad was a prophet or Jesus was the son of God. Yeah, I could be wrong, but I think they were more likely schizophrenic then divine. Or maybe, it's all of us that are crazy, because when I look at what religion is supposed to be about, it seems all right. If you distill it down to some core messages about not hurting each other, about loving and helping, and bombing the shit out of Iraq for oil, errr, oh wait, nevermind. For real though, the main components of it are good, but people like to use arrogant interpretation to achieve their own personal goals, concieved in whatever sick tormented minds they have.

I guess I just can't believe that God, the omnipotent creator, would be so cruel as to make men horny all the time, and yet make it a sin to try to have sex with any girl that gives us the time of day. I thought God was supposed to be all loving, not cruel and twisted...

Hideeho...

2005-02-19T20:15:00.000-08:00

Well, I never made it snowboarding this weekend because I woke up with a fever and a sore throat, and got paranoid about catching the flu, which has been going around for the last month. It's a particularly nasty strain this year, too. But, I'm okay today, and I heard that the conditions were crap, so mayb e it was good that I didn't make it. Tommorrow, I have to go into the dreaded office, although, our monthly office meetings are a change of pace. At this point, I care so little about my job, it's kind of appalling. After Wednesday, I pretty much am done with teaching until the next school year, which starts in April. So, it will be a lot of sitting around, reading, and sleeping, maybe punching out early to go to the gym. My school doesn't really care what the ALT does, and I'm much better than the last one. He used to just not go if he didn't have school. Yet, everyone loved him. They just want us to do our job, and I actually do, so it's no problem.

Interesting cultural note, this week was Valentine's Day, and here in Japan, it's done a little differently. On Valentine's Day, the girlfriend's, wives, and mistresses buy gifts for the man. Usually, the give him chocolate, and maybe a BJ, but I don't really know. Actually, they're supposed to give the guy cookies if they love him, chocolate if they like him, and little sweets if they are just friends. In March, there's White Day. On this day, men give something to their wives, girlfriends, or mistresses, usually in the form of something grossly expensive, like a louis vuitton bag. They love their Louis here. Although, love seems strange here. It's weird because I've grown up under a Judeo-Christian ideal of sex as evil, where in Japan, it's just looked at as a biological need, and nothing to be ashamed of. And infidelity rates are ridiculous here, on both sides. The wives look at their husbands cheating as less work for them, and the men just don't seem to give a shit after ten years. My friend took a woman home, and after he slept with her, she told him she was married. Fucked up. But, heh, that's life in the land of anything goes...

slip slidin away...

2005-02-18T04:14:00.000-08:00

So, the downward spiral continues, although, now it just seems like a natural progression of my life. I'm kind of used to it at this point. Actually, I think I've found my calling in life. I'm going to start a new profession called, depression coordinator. I mean, there's already life coaches, and personal trainers, and career counselors, and party planners. Do you really want to leave an important downward spiral in the hands of an amateur? Come on, you got to let the professionals handle it. This way, you could plan it out and get over it, shit you wouldn't even have to plan it out, isn't that what you pay me for.

Seriously, I'm okay, but that whole no drinking thing isn't going to well. I'm trying, I'm trying, but it's not easy. Tommorrow, I'm going snowboarding for the weekend. I need to get away. I feel so isolated in my apartment. No one lives around me, and most of my friends are too damn lazy to leave their apartments.

So, I'm still struggling with the decision as to whether come home in August or not. I was sliding towards coming home recently, but recent events have showed that to be a possible calamity waiting to happen. So, I might just remain in neverneverland, and keep running away for a few more years. Or, maybe, I'll grow some balls, grow up, and get on with my life. Anyone wanna place any bets?

Plastic surgery for the soul...

2005-02-16T23:15:00.000-08:00

So, I decided to give this blog a facelift because my old template was being petulant...

2005-02-16T23:13:00.000-08:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Earthquake...

2005-02-16T19:27:00.000-08:00

So, at about 445am I woke up to everything shaking in my apartment, and I mean really shaking. It turns out there was quite a large earthquake, which I had the natural reaction to--roll over and go back to sleep. In fact, if you ask Anne Rudolph, that's pretty much my reaction to everything.

It's kind of weird, but after today, I have virtually nothing to do that's work related until roughly the second week in April. Got to love that Japanese education system efficiency. At least I'm going snowboarding this weekend.

Oh yeah, one more thing. Everyone who hasn't the John Stewart CNN Crossfire bitch slap, should definately go check it out. Got to love it when a guy calls the host of Crossfire a dick. It's posted on Ifilm. Well kiddies, time for me to get back to doing a whole lot of nothing...

2005-02-16T05:36:00.000-08:00

Just me, Santa, and Ho Chi Minh...

Sorry Luis...

2005-02-15T06:58:00.000-08:00

Sorry for spelling your name wrong, both of them...

The Tuesday night confessional...

2005-02-15T05:33:00.000-08:00

First off, I'd like to thank the Mexican Pimp Daddy Rico Suave, Luise Elizando for being the first to take the plunge, and jump on the email list for my blog. Much props to this wonderful man, whom I damningly mispronounced his name in my early childhood, due to the fact, not unlike the entire Japanese population, I couldn't make the L sound in my diaper/early post-diaper years. However, unlike the Japanese, my L come out as a D, not an R, thus making the word election into edection, and not erection.

Today, I'm pretty shit. I felt like shit, I looked like shit, and I took a shit. Although, the last was probably the most enjoyable of the three. Today, I feel lonely, and not just like I usually do, but like I never have before. At first, I thought I had felt this lonely as a teenager, but since I was lonely that whole time, I was pretty immune to it. You can't feel this lonely, until you've lost something that makes you feel whole.

On a lighter note, I watched someone walk into a glass window, full force. I know that sounds horrible, but somehow it seemed, if just for a second, that guy was having a worse day than me (although, I'm sure there' s plethora, a veritable infinite peanut gallery of people who had a worst day). And anyone who says that's awful has done the same exact thing as me, looking at a situation like that.

I tried not to drink tonight, but it didn't happen. I put up a struggle, tooth and nail. But, sometimes Japanese people are just really convincing. You see, every Tuesday, I teach an extra class to businessmen, and a group of people were having a party. Something to do with some Shinto ceremony, involving worshipping the fox, the spirit of business. They were getting drunk and saw us in the hall during he smoke break, and just pulled us in. I refused spirits, so they poured me a tall glass of sake, and told me to drink. At least it was fun. Japanese people are really laid back. Although, the thirty five year old hitting on me was kind of strange. And yes, it was a woman... I think.

I really like this poem...

2005-02-15T05:00:00.000-08:00

Shallow Grave

Reach up and dip your hand into the sky.
A hello is nothing more than a future goodbye.

The stars are nuclear lithium for the mind.
In the imagination, getting ahead is falling behind.

The northern lights is your grandfather waiting to die.
A laugh is just a scream trying to cry.

Earth is a gift from God to the blind.
A loving father's fist is just trying to be kind.

And when the dawn explodes with a promise that's kept.
A sunset swallows an image to save.
Hope sat on a dock and silently wept.
A lonely man's life is a shallow grave.

chatterbox

2005-02-14T06:23:00.000-08:00

I've added a chatterbox right below my profile.

Happy Lonliness Day...

2005-02-14T05:21:00.000-08:00

Yes siree, Jim Bob, it's time for a good ol' fashioned rant, on the American institution of Valentine's day. A day created by a group of suits, in a dark boardroom in 1922. These men represented the tycoons of the liquor, candy, and sachrine sentimental greeting card industries. You see, Valentine's day celebrates love and couplehood, so candy and greeting cards work really well, but what about all you lonely hearts out there. Well, for a lot of us, Valentine's Day drives us to drink large quantities of alcohol, until when we look in the mirror, there's two of us, and then we don't feel so alone anymore. Actually, I looked up where Valentine's Day comes from, and who was this ancient Don Juan, known as St. Valentine. Well, being a Saint, and representing the holiday most likely with the highest rate of people shagging per minute must seem ironic, eh? Well, in honor of love, and what it will eventual do to many of us, one of the many supposed true St. Valentine's was beaten, tortured, and ultimately beheaded on this day in 239. This also happened to coincide with the day before a pagan festival, where teenage boys picked girls names out of a box, and then got to shag them rotten, or something to that effect. Furthermore, the french and brits, yes those crazy brits, thought that mid way through the second month of the year, the birds started to mate, and thus, we celebrate the glorious union of couplehood. Sure, this year has been something akin to have my testicles smacked with a ball pean hammer, or possibly crushed in a vice, but hey, isn't that what holidays (aside from St. Patrick's Day and 4th of July) are for. The two exceptions are about drinking huge quantities of booze, and the other one is about blowing shit up. And every year, they never disappoint. Although, last year at the fourth of july barbacue, ironically on june 26th, I lost my wallet, but was so wasted, it really didn't matter.

As far as the large quantity of booze that should be imbibed in celebratory ecstasy of this wonderfully soul shredding holiday, well, that didn't happen. You see, with things going so wonderful lately and all, I've decided to do something painful for myself. Yes, you got it, give up drinking. Well, for the rest of Lent at least. Or, whatever six weeks (with a one week break when my friend comes to Japan), in order to give my liver a break. He's been a real trooper for the past year and half, or should I say, since I was 13, so, I figured, it being Valentine's day, I would show him the love he truly deserves. Instead of taking my rage and cyncism out on him, I'm going to take it out on all of you. Yes, that's right, I'm going to write as much as I can on this blog from now on, no slacking, no excuses (except when I feel like making them). God help us all... Oh yeah, and start commenting more you bitches...especially the one's who harped on me to get haloscan comments for so long, not to name any names, JEFFREY DANIEL COSGROVE, and SARAH COSGROVE (hahaahhahaahaha, you're a Cosgrove now...) All righty folks, just remember to do one thing, rock out with your cock out... and oh, poor, damaged liver, won't you be my valentine?

When life looks like easy street, there's danger at your door...

2005-02-13T05:30:00.000-08:00

I'm doing all right today. Lately, I've been going up and down, which is probably to be expected. Last night, I had to say goodbye to one of my close friends, here in Japan. He's moving back to Scotland. Somehow, we ended up at a batting cage in the red light district, at three in the morning, while it was snowing. Bet you don't know many people that's happened to. Kabukicho, the red light district in Tokyo, is kind of sketchy, but aside from being a pulsating neon orgy of hedonism, it's also a big club and bar district. It's essentially just an all purpose entertainment area. It's funny, I said to my friend, "It's 3am, and we are wandering around, argueably, the most dangerous place in all of Japan, and I don't feel the least bit worried." That's the one thing I've really come to appreciate about this country. Sure, there's crime, and various other problems, but it's so much less, that an axiety you never realize you had, just kind of melts away. It's refreshing.

"...and all the lights that lead you here are blinding..."

2005-02-11T08:19:00.000-08:00

I've had a bit to drink, but let me be totatly honest...I'm happy today. It's a weird feeling. Today, when I look outside, the day feels wide open. Now, don't get me wrong here, I didn't want to feel this way, because when I think about it, it's uncomfortable. It's lonely, but, it's new, and maybe that's what I needed all along. Maybe, I needed to feel hopeless, to feel hope. Maybe, I needed to feel unhappy, to realize I could be happy. I don't know what will happen tommorrow, but at least it will be a suprise, because, today, I expected to feel sorry for myself. I expected to go drink out of sadness, but instead, I had a couple of drinks with some friends, met some new people, and I smiled. I smiled in a way because I didn't choose to be reborn, but I chose to take it in stride. Sure, I feel slightly betrayed. The person who did this, did nothing wrong, aside from choosing to be dishonest, but, then again, I understand her fear. Today, I've been listening to Oasis, pretty much non-stop. My favorite song by them is called, "Don't look back in anger." I sing it at karoake. It's a great song. The person who pulled the rug out from under me, probably did me a favor. They gave me a fresh start. Maybe, someday, she'll be a part of it. But, now, I'm enjoying my resurection. I'm reborn, without expectations, and the vestiges of who I was, have been thrown off. I plot my own course today, wish me good luck... Happiness is wonderful, but I'm not happy. Instead, I'm in the second best position...I'm searching for happiness. And the search is what it's all about. It makes you feel alive. It makes you feel new. It makes you feel like you can fight the world again, if only because you have to, and you realize, that being sad, is a horrible option to begin with. Goodnight everyone, sleep well, and wake up tommorrow, and realize it's a new day.

Standing in the Hallway...

2005-02-10T18:24:00.000-08:00

Thanks for your concern Laura, but really, don't worry. I'm actually going to quit drinking for a while, because I'm going through a rough patch in my life and know how I work. If I start drinking with emotion, well, it's a slippery slope.

In my life, I'm kind of standing in a hallway, a crossroads of sorts. When I came to Japan, it was if I left one room and entered another. But, the room I was in before, well, the door was always ajar, and I took comfort from that. Now, I'm back out in the hallway, trying to choose which door to go through, and that door I took comfort in, slammed shut on me all of a sudden, and I don't know if I will ever be able to go through it again. So, for the first time in a long time, I feel completely alone. Maybe this is good for me. Maybe this is what I needed, but right now, I'm just sad and probably will be for a while. I'm strong though, and I've been through a lot of shit in my life. There's no point to regretting the decisions I have made now. Life is what it is.

Actually, Anne, you posted that horoscope on your blog. I'm not sure how much stock I take in astrology, but I have one horoscope from my twenty second birthday that I have kept in my wallet. Since you know my background, you will understand: "If your birthday is June 25: You're clearing out skeletons. On a psychological level, you're being taken to the cleaners, and your spiritual nature is being transformed. This year you can achieve the impossible as you embrace new responsibilities and make a major transition. Throw limitations to the wind; they're only in your mind. The undertone is honesty and behaving correctly. "

Step outside the eye your mind....

2005-02-10T01:39:00.000-08:00

And today, another era ends. I felt sick to my stomach. Haven't been able to eat all day, aside from a tiny bit. Now, I'm going to go the bar and get black out drunk. This is how Irish Americans deal with their pain. I'll get over it. At least now, I know what's really going on. I could tell you, but that would ruin the mystery. Instead, I'll just be cryptic, drunk, and beligerent.

I think one of the more difficult parts of the day, was having to wake up and go to elementary school, and attempt being a shiny happy person for all the little kiddies. When in reality I felt like a jaded cynical person. Having to sing kids' english songs was absolute torture.

I'm okay though. Just sad. Maybe what's going on was inevitable. And let's be honest, I'm my own worst enemy. This is just a matter of reaping what I sow. However, it kind of seems like I prefer being the architecht of my own failure, instead of it coming as the natural byproduct of my own inadequacies. Every sunset is a sunrise...time to go get drunk.

you ever seen that indiana jones movie...

2005-02-09T07:13:00.000-08:00

So, today was a good day, at first. Tommorrow, thursday, is my last day of work this week because friday is a national holiday. So, I have a three day weekend. Tonight, I had an enkai, which in english translates to, "drinking party with co-workers." That was a good time. Drinking with co-workers is always an intersting time because the front that co-workers finally goes down, with the sea of alchohol they drown down their throats. Furthermore, Japan beat North Korea, in one of the qualifying matches for the world cup, and in stoppage time, no less. For those of you, who either A) don't watch soccer, B) don't play fifa soccer for either, playstation, playstation II, or who play no soccer at all in it's video format. C) none of the above, means that they beat them in the extra time allotted after all penalty times, and game stopping times, that occured in the entirety of the half (a match is two halves, each half lasts 45 continous minutes). With only one minute to go, the Japanes national team managed to kick in the final goal. forcing the Japanese people, to burst out in vehement national pride, that probably made most of the beauractratics, shit in their pants, both literally and figuratively.

So, you're asking me why I'm upset. I can comment little on this subject, however, I will say this, my heart was ripped out and show to me. Not in a heartbroken kind of way either. You know that feeling when you were a kid, when your dad said, "hey, I'm going to get you a nintendo," but beat the shit out of you instead. No? Okay, that scene in Indiana Jones where the scary guy, rips the other guy's heart out and shows it to him. No? Never happened to you? Okay, me neither. I just had something that I was really look forward to, canceled, and now, all I have to look forward to is, well, nothing. Don't you hate when that happens...

2005-02-06T04:59:00.000-08:00

Just a little boat ride through the jungle

Reason #732 to love Japan...

2005-02-05T22:37:00.000-08:00

Going into an elementary school to teach English, and one of your eight year old third graders wearing a shirt that says. "A shop gay with decoration A day party dancing to gay music Farmer's scratch unit"... Don't fuck with the farmer's scratch unit. FSU in da house....

It's the end of an era...

2005-02-05T22:28:00.000-08:00

My friend Stack just left my apartment, after a run of the mill boozing marathon last night, which started out with curry at one of our favorite resteraunts. Stack is british, and the guy's blood is at least two or three percent curry, and since it's his last night in Saitama City, it was a sad occasion. He will actually be in Japan for another week, but he lives in Tokyo now. He quit his job because some of his friends, who are members of the band Franz Ferdinand have hired him to film them writing and recording their second album. Pretty sweat deal, huh.

Also, on Friday, I went into the board of education and turned in my recontracting form, with a big fat, NO! Actually, I just circled the not recontracting option, despite wanting to scrawl obscenties all over it. Sorry, I'm not so much in a funny mood. I think I might be getting the flu, as a bunch of ALTs already have it. It's a particularly viscious strain this year, so I'm little wary. Oh yeah, go patrioits!

Now, I have comments foo!

2005-02-01T06:32:00.000-08:00

So, I finally got these comment things to work after all this time. What that really means, is that I never bothered to really try until now. So, feel free to make all of my life's decisions for me. -G

2005-02-01T06:30:00.000-08:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Sorry I'm so inconsistent with this...

2005-02-01T06:01:00.000-08:00

Dammit, I just wrote a long funny post, and this fucking, stupid ass, no good, two bit, piece of shit computer, and it's fucking sidekick, the internet, screwed me out of the pleasure, or taking perfectly good mental diaria, and splaying it all over the world wide web. It's the goddamn, right wing, evangelic christians, trying to bring me down...

Sorry, I will try as best as I can to recreate my last post, oh well, screw it, I'll just start ranting.

Things have been busy around here, which is actually true for once. Every day, I drag myself out of bed and head over to one of the local elementary schools, to try to teach a bunch of influenza stricken little kids english. Although, for the most part they're good, when they start getting roudy, it can be very trying. I guess it must be kind of like dipping your testicles into a pool full of pirahanas, if you're not quick enough, a frenzy will ensue. Actually, maybe it's not, but, I just felt like saying that. Actually, the kids are great, but the schedule is long, and interspersed with periods of pure boredom. No one speaks any English at my school, which for me is okay, since I can understand Japanese, but I'm still wondering how the other teachers understand what they are supposed to do. Most of the other ALTs don't speak Japanese so well.

Well, I have seventy two hours to decide, whether or not, to stay a third and final year, on the illustrious JET program. I'm conflicted, and my heart, well, that black lump of synicism, located somewhere in the middle of solar plexus is being tugged in two directions. My problem is that I love the people I work with (including my bosses at my actual school) and hate the people I work for (the board of education, who takes every chance they can get to screw us, royally, which I will explain later). I love the students (not literally), I hate teaching English. I love my city, I hate the apartment, I was unwillingly exiled to. I love Japan, I'm pretty blase about my life here currently. I love my friends here, lots of them are leaving. While, the JET program isn't my only option, it's the highest paid, best situation occupation (emancipation, proclamation, see I could be a rapper) that seems to jive with my utter imcopetent lazy disposition. I could always, move into to tokyo, take a pay cut, and pay more rent, and whore my self to one of the ubiquitious english sweatshops, that dot the land of the rising sun. Also, I could try to pimp my services out an American company here in Japan, i actually graduated college with a degree in English, which means absolutely dick, and would most likely be beaten by a bunch of pompous American businessmen, in two thousand dollar, tailor fitted suits (actually 150$ hand made knockoffs, made by the same lady boy prostitute that serviced them in bangkok, thailand over christmas vaction), for even thinking that I could enter the world of business. However, I'm good at bullshitting, so maybe I'll just bullshit a resume.

Also, there's that other slight problem (not really a problem, and emotional dillema) of still being in love with the same girl from college, who I miss quite a bit. However, I'm suffering from a chronic case of peter pan syndrome, and commitment, and virtually any step that could put me on the fast track to settling down, makes me promptly shit my pants. Wow, this is a difficult situation.
What to do, what to do. Soon, I will be adding haloscan comments, so everyone can just write in and make my decisions for me.

See, my problem is that I'm just a big kid, trapped in a scary looking, skinhead's body. All the kids here say, "oh, skinhead," when they see me. So, I say, "No, no, kids, a skinhead is a dumb, inbread, ignorant, redneck, who likes to beat up on minorities, and gay people, because they are scared they have little penises, and have to compensate for it, with hyperbolic displays of ignorant macho violence." Huh, blank stares from all the kids. "Okay kids, you're only six years old, that might be a little difficult. Here's an easy word, election." More blank stares. "Come on kids, you can do it, E-L-E-C-T-I-O-N." All the kids shout in glee, "Oh, ERECTION." I try to explain the error of their pronunciation. "Sorry, kids, that's what got Bill Clintion in trouble, I'm talking about what George Bush, and the evil baby eating republicans stole in 2000." God, I love try to stimulate and educate the minds of tommorrow.

Aside from that, I've started meditating recently. It's really helping with the schizophrenia...

Sorry, I'm not the most consistent person...

2005-02-01T05:47:00.000-08:00

I know, I know, it's been two weeks and no word from me. I honestly will try to be more consistent from here on out. I'm also planning to add haloscan comments to my blog, as to fascilitate the nasty insults, I'm sure a few of you have been tempted to lob at me.

As far as my life goes, I would like to say that everything is peachy keen, but then I would have to jump off the tallest building in Tokyo, because I used the phrase, "peachy keen." I have roughly seventy two hours to decide whether or not to stay in Japan for one more year, as a member of the JET program. My problem, and I'm sure many of you will find this familiar, my JET position is probably the highest paid and easiest situation occupation (emancipation proclomation, see, I rhymed) that's available. I could move to Tokyo, and take a pay cut, pay higher rent, and work more classes in much shittier hours (weekends included), at one of the ubiquitous English sweatshops that dot the land, here. Or, I could call it quits and go home, and either, a)look for a job, b) try to get into grad school. My current situation is: I love the people I work with, hate the people I work for, love the students (not literally), hate teaching them, love Saitama, hate the apartment I've been exiled to, love japan, am very blase about my life.

Also, I have another problem. I'm in love with the same girl (err...woman, for all the femenists out there), but I'm not ready to grow up. So, things like that really scare me. Why am I such a little kid, trapped in a really scary looking skinhead body. All the kids say when they see me, "oh, skinhead." I'm like, "no kids, skinheads are drunken, ignorant, angry, imbred, redknecks, who like to beat up gay people and minorities, because they're afraid they have small penises, and try to compensate with excessive shows of overinflated, machoistic violence." Blanks stares. All right, fine kids, we'll do easy stuff, can you prounounce, election?" More blank stares. "E-l-e-c-t-i-o-n." The kids reply, "oh, erection." No kids, that's what got Clinton in trouble, I'm talking about what George W. Bush stole. All right, nevermind.

Aside from that, I've started meditating. It's seems to be really helping the schizophrenia...

I've been busy lately...

2005-01-16T02:24:00.000-08:00

at least, that's what I try to tell myself and virtually everyone else. It's funny how everyone is busy. I used to think this was true, and yeah, there certainly are people that are really busy, but there's a lot of people out there, that are just completely full of shit. I'm not busy, because I choose not to do all this stuff, I think I need to do, such as pay my bills (don't worry, they're not due for another two weeks). Instead, I'm sort of busy, decided whether or not to do these things. So, I'm busy contemplating, which is a fancy word for procrastinating, which is just a euphamism for being a lazy ass.

You see, I make these lists, thinking, the more organized I am about things, the faster and more effecient I'll get things done. Unfortunately, it's just an exercise in futility, since I usually only get 70% of it done. So, my solution was to cut out 25% of my next list. Again, I only got 75% done. So, I said, screw it, and cut out another 50% the next time. And again, I got 75% done. It's like I have some mental block that doesn't allow to finish what I've started. Is it so bad to strive for mediocrity?

Yes, I've seen a gibbon monkey breakdance...

2005-01-03T23:12:00.000-08:00

So, first off, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Today, I found out that my friend who was missing in Sri Lanka, is no longer missing, nor is he even in Sri Lanka. Also, all other people I feared missing, are doing well, so all is good, and the umpa lumpas should come out and do a song and dance, singing the praises of right wing evangelical christians, because that would be cool too.

So, a lot of people have been asking me about my trip to the 'Nam. I figured, being an english major in uni, that I would try to sum the trip up all in one long run on sentence. So, here goes: In Vietnam, crossing the street is like playing a game of frogger on the atari 600, except the stakes are higher, because the streets are jammed packed with 100cc scooters that are carrying up to five people at a time, since the vietnamese are economical about the extremely dirty, yet free market, ironic, contradicting, communist society that they live in, where viet cong chase still chase around americans, but this time to sell them trinkets, drugs, or maybe even their sister, so most tourists must beat a hasty retreat into the countryside, or the mekong delta, where they can take a river boat ride through the jungle, and feel as if they are riding along with Joseph Conrad, in his heart of darkness, hoping the kurtz, won't jump out and eat you, and use the rest of you as jewellery, and since this is a tiring experience, most fat tourists, waddle into one of the ubiquitious restaraunts that's willing to deep fry just about anything, and spend two dollars on a meal and drinks. Sorry, can't keep writing the same sentence. So, in Vietnam, I went to Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon), pulsating, snake, mid-molt, trying to shed it's communism in exchange for a dog eat dog, free market, where anything can be had for a price. People, rich, poor and in between, spend most of their days out doors, dodging families of four, all riding the same little scooter, and little kids with dirty clothes and no shoes, play with the mangy stray dogs on the street. The smell is an acrid smell of fesces and sulfur, that might induce vomitting, in a constant struggle with the smell of mouth watering homecooked vietnamese cuisine. Occasionally, you pass a man who's lost his legs, from stepping on a mine, or someone who's lips were burnt off by a phosphorous bomb twenty years ago; the person next to them smiles, disarmingly, and offers you a great deal on t-shirts emblazoned with Ho Chi Minh's face. The city itself is a juxtaposition of old, colonial french, communist, capitalist, and anything in between. Just like a pimp, it has whatever it needs to cator to your needs.

The Mekong Delta, was a large area around a river, that I'm sure many Marines flash back to in the throes of shell shock. It's a hot, humid jungle that feels like mental malaria, when superimposing war on to your personal viewfinder. Like conrad imagined, it was a primal place, but the tour was benign. I went to a coconut candy factory (although the term factory is a loose one) where I saw people chop up and mix coconut, into gooey, taffy like squares. The people here are friendly, but live in a squalor that most people can't imagine. They haven't reaped the same benefits as their more urban bretheren.

Well, that's all for today, I will continue with this next post. I will also, hopefully post some pictures. Happy new year. -G

Happy New Year

2005-01-01T04:55:00.000-08:00

Happy new year everyone,

Asia is a somber place right now. I just got back from Vietnam, which fortunately wasn't effected by the tsunamis, nor was Japan. If this happened last year, I would probably be dead, as I was on phi phi island, near phuket. Fortunately, I wasn't.

One of my friends and coworkers is still missing, though. He was on Sri Lanka, and that's probably not a good sign. Anyone who has the money to make a donation, please do, these people are going through a type of suffering most of us could never imagine. Sorry for the sad post, but it's one of those days. I will post more about my trip to vietnam soon. -Greg

The horizon has been defeated...

2004-12-11T22:36:00.000-08:00

It's gray today. I hate when it's gray. I'm also nursing a severe hangover, mostly because at the bar I was at last night, people kept buying me drinks. I'm not sure I'm so used to that yet.

Christmas is in full swing here in Japan, so it's time to rock out with your cock out. Despite the ubiquitousness of gaudy christmas regalia everywhere, the Japanese don't really celebrate it the same way. It's not a national holiday, and it's more akin to valentine's day. I was going to buy christmas cards that were in Japanese, but when I read them they were more like "I love you" "I need you." Sending something like that to your mom is always bad form, even if she can't understand it.

Other then that, I'm getting prepared to go to VIETNAM!! Whoo hoo! It's kind of ironic that I'm going there for vacation, since my dad's generation definately weren't going there on a pleasure cruise. All righty then, time to go procrastinate.

Gregism of the day...

2004-12-08T06:04:00.000-08:00

Happiness is spiritual masturbation, it may feel good, but then leaves you complacent and wondering if there's something more.

I wrote this in an email to someone and forgot about it, but they wrote me back today and asked if they could steal it from me. Stealing words, that concept always gives me a really funny image. I imagine a person who looks like the stereotypical thief (black and white striped shirt, mustache, black mask and hat, and french) sneaking into my apartment at night, reaching into my mouth, ripping my words out, and tip toeing away, slightly snickering.

As far as happiness goes, I think that happiness can actually be self destructive to potential. Since happiness is a goal we strive for, if we attain it, we lose a primary motivation (as long as we lack other external motivations like kids, or a ball and chain to call your own). Japan is kind of a gray country, lit up in pastel neon, that tries to hide the feelings of pointlessness by dressing up the urban playground in guady neon superlatives and constant obnoxious stimulus. It's a cross dressing dystopia marching to extinction. But the Japanese way is to be polite and smile, get rip roaring drunk, and laugh about the zen of futility. In fact, the joke is really on everyone else I think. Sometimes, I think that's why they are laughing.

If a Japanese person commits suicide by jumping off a train platform, they will first take off their shoes. This is to show that they jumped and were not pushed, and doesn't result in the rude waste of police time due to an ensuing investigation. When I heard this for the the first time, it blew me away. Polite even in death. It's strange that suicide here just seems like a normal action one would take, like punching a time card at the end of the day. Yet, people actually do seem happier on average here than in most places I've been, and certainly more than the United States, even more so than the self proclaimed land of smiles, Thailand.

Don't get me wrong, I really love Japan, but to put your feelings of admiration into words is difficult, it's more of a feeling you get while you are here. That's why it's easier to state the negatives, some of which are borderline absurd. Prime example, I think Japan is a happy place that should be called the land of self denial. You see, Japan doesn't have very comprehensive or accurate sex education. I've heard people claim they've heard the health teacher tell their students the only way to contract HIV is to sleep with a foreigner. While, this is partly true, since if you sleep with a foreigner with HIV you might get it, this ethnocentric ignorance and lack of accurate education just blew up in their face in an extremely embarrassing way. The problem has been brewing to lack of proper education and the fact that teenage boys and girls (especially girls) fuck like bunnies. And although Japan has one of the lowest HIV rates in the world, a new study has found 23% of high school girls have and STD. 23%!! The most common being the clap.

Thus comes my advice to men in Japan, or planning to come to Japan. Don't screw high school girls!! Not just because you shouldn't (because it's wrong on so many levels and if you don't know that, you belong on a watch list), but now, your family jewels might rot off. And if you sleep with a girl under twenty five, you might want to double bag it just in case. Word is bond. -G

Franz Ferdinand...

2004-12-05T04:17:00.000-08:00

I went to see a band called Franz Ferdinand in Tokyo this week. The cool part was, I got on the guest list, so I got to go in a special entrance and got special seats where only people on the guest list were. To top that off, the seats were the best seats of all, front row center, on the upper deck. The venue was standing room only, except for the upstairs. One of my friend's grew up with the bassist, so he hooked us up. Last time they were here, I went karaoking with them which was cool. Besides that, not much is going on.

I was supposed to take the Japanese proficiency test today, but I lost my voucher and didn't bother to go. Everyone gave me crap about this, but since I've had a very rough/busy fall, my heart wasn't really in it, and I wasn't ready to take it. Screw it.

That's about it. Nothing funny to report. Oh yeah, my question for everyone, what are your jeopardy categories. Mine are:

1. Things to say to piss people off when you are drunk.
2. Movies made after 1980.
3. Strange places to pass out in public.
4. Michael Jackson Jokes.
5. Shakespeare.
6. Creative ways to drop the F bomb.
7. The stupid fuck heads of the Bush Adminstration.

If these categories were up there, I would win hands down. Now, I'll have to think of my double jeopardy categories. Doo doo doo doo --- doo doo do---doooo dooo doo doo-doooooo do do do doo do do.

Did that turkey just do a nitrous balloon?

2004-11-27T19:39:00.000-08:00

I don't know if any of you have seen the show Father of the Pride. I thought it would be stupid, just because the majority of primetime television is, but the show is actually pretty funny. It's really bizarre. Especially, when all the animals are at a rave. Weird stuff.

Not much is new in my world. I'm busy trying to get ready for the japanese proficiency test next week, which I think I'm going to fail horribly. I just can't remember all this little symbols I have to know. My advice for anyone who wants to learn Japanese, learn an easier language.

uhhh, strange question

2004-11-26T02:48:00.000-08:00

"Quick as a jiffy." What the fuck is a jiffy?

mail order brides

2004-11-23T05:04:00.000-08:00

Since you get them out of a catalog, do they come with a warrenty? Is it like one of those crappy thirty day ones, or like a whole year? Also, do they ship them freight? It must be pretty stuffy in one of those crates for that long. Also, if they break, do you send them back to the company, or just put them out with the garbage?

My Job

2004-11-18T01:43:00.000-08:00

Since I've been bitching about politics a lot lately, I figured, I'd shift gears a bit and complain about my job. Today, one of the Japanese newspapers (Asahi Shimbun) printed a story about JET and how all the ALTs are lazy and overpaid. Now, while the lazy part is true in quite a few cases, the overpaid thing is well, the japanese governments fault. They set the pay in 1987 and have never actually given any of us a raise. The concern is that the schools aren't getting what they pay for, but of course, the article never bothered to ask the ALT (assistant language teacher) what their point of view was.

You see, we are thrown into a school and we are the only foreigner there (unless there's an exchange student). If you don't speak Japanese, well, don't expect anyone but the english teachers (and even they can't speak english well) to talk to you. At a lot of schools, they don't want us there and resent us for whatever reason. My first year, one teacher would talk shit about me, in front of me, thinking I didn't understand. Now, I love my new school. The teachers are great, everyone is understanding, and all that. But, it's pretty aggravating to see the newspaper essentially blame the foreign teachers for the shortcomings of the school system in general. You see, no one fails in Japanese schools, attendance seems pretty much optional, and homework is non-existant. If the kid feels like sleeping in class, well, that's ok too. Students aren't allowed to be disciplined and are either disrespectful, or silent. Due to the ALT being spread thin, a class of forty is lucky to see the ALT more than once in any given month. Yet, somehow, in that fifty minutes per month, we are supposed to drastically improve their English level. The Japanese education system seems to want a miracle.

The one thing the newspaper says, is that we don't bother to interact with the students, and just sit around playing on the internet. Whereas, this is true to some extent -- I screw around on the internet all the time, but most of the time I'm there I use it for lesson plans. Also, the kids are either in class, or in their clubs. There isn't time to interact with them. Again, my school is cool, I get to run my own classes, and grade papers, and make tests, and all the teachers respect me as a fellow teacher. In one of my old schools, I was allowed no say into the lesson plan. I was a human tape recorder. I'd stand their in class and drool, and daydream, until the teacher asked me to pronounce a word for the students. In general, the schools are starting to replace us, culling cheaper teachers from conversation schools, that get paid crap, and couldn't get into the JET program in the first place. It's all about lowballing, and getting the most milage out of your english speaking circus attraction. Last week, I was told I had to teach a sixty minute class of 150 elementary schoolers (turned out to be only about 110). Not only does that not accomplish anything, but is difficult to plan. I still made a lesson plan and went in there, and wouldn't you know it, at the last second they decided to tack on an extra thirty minutes. I like the kids, the teachers, and living in Japan. Hate the Bureaucracy that needs someone to scapegoat because the japanese education system is such bullshit.

Sorry, it's been a while...

2004-11-13T18:57:00.000-08:00

Sorry I haven't been posting lately. My internet was down for a while and I've also been really busy. Mostly, I've been busy crying myself to sleep at night after the presidential election, but I think I've finally gotten over the shock and horror.

In other news, the flag should be flying at half mast today due to the death of an American hero--Ol' Dirty Bastard. Yes, the ODB has moved on to the next plane, leaving America, and some may argue the whole world deeply united in their mourning. He shall be a hero we tell all our kids about, and his exploits a thing of legend. To everyone on this sad, sad day, all I can say is wu-tang forever, wu-tang forever. -G

Happy Halloween!!

2004-10-31T10:49:00.000-08:00

Well, it's that time of the year again when kids are allowed to take candy from strangers. Today, I did absolutely nothing, in celebration of halloween, and it was everything I could have hoped it could be.

Anyone else seen the movie Clueless? I will admit, I have seen it multiple times, for some reason. I was just wondering if anyone was as disturbed about the ending as I was? So, this rich hot girl, finally loses her virginity, to her former step brother. So, fucking your step sibling is the key to happiness according to this movie. It's like West Virginia and parts of Texas, except with the step part before sibling. -G

The Red Sox, Nostradamus, George W. Bush, and the Apocalypse

2004-10-28T01:45:00.000-07:00

THE RED SOX DID IT !!! THEY FREAKIN DID IT!!

This is quite amazing, and I will pretty much spend the next month tormenting every yankee fan I know, which is quite a few.

Although, there are other things that have begun to concern me. I'm not sure how many of you are familiar with the prophecies of Nostradamus, where he talks about the coming of the Apocalypse and the three anti-christs. Now, everyone assumes the antichrist is some demon, with big fuckin horns, that looks akin to dee snyder, but actually, the assumed previous two from Nostradamus's prophecies were Hitler and Napoleon. Why? Because they killed a whole lot of people.

Now, the third Anti-Christ is supposed to seem like our savior, supposedly. In fact, they are supposed to prostylasize themselves as the second coming of Christ. However, these are poems and they are old as shit, and since they were written by a Jew in the sixteenth century who could be burn at the stake for heresy for it, they aren't exactly clear. Now, if they were written by a Jewish poet like Ginsburg in the sixties, and were sprinkled with references to testicles, binge drinking, and pooping, then I'm sure the laymen of today would be more capable of grasping the context. However, I was thinking about what nostradamus said, and realized that George W. Bush, might just be that anti-christ he was talking about it. Think about it for a second. 1. He believes Jesus told him to go to war with Iraq.

Now, I've been going over the New Testament all day, well, actually that's bullshit, I've really been watching the world series, or napping in a puddle of my own drool at my desk, but I'll admit, I have a lot of knowledge of the new testament. I was trying to think back to that book in the bible, maybe it was in Luke, since he was such a militant motherfucker, especially for an apostle. He recalls Jesus coming down from his hill, where he was preaching, upon where he found a sick mother with leprosy (all sick people were lepers back then) who's only possesion aside from the clothes on her back and her child, was a bucket of oil, Jesus looked upon her, and stroked her hair, and said, "Believe in me child, and my love shall set you free." Jesus, then picked up a near by rock, and bludgeoned her to death, took her oil, and then ate her child raw, right there on the spot. After picking his teeth of all the baby fat, he looked out among the huddled hungry masses and said, "YEAH, I'm hard, you ain't going to fuck with the J--C--- mothafuckas! And screw all you Middle Eastern Bitches, you best recognize!" I believe, this is the passage from the bible that Bush was refering to when looking for religious justification for invading Iraq.

2. Bush is an evil fucking liar. I think this statement speaks for itself. I think the problem people have with grasping this is that the media is inundated with stories of Bush's lies and corruption. Now, most reasonable people probably don't think the person they elected could possibly do all those horrid things. There judgment isn't flawed, it's the liberal media. When in reality, Bush has done so much more, but there isn't enough hours in the day to report all this stuff. In reality, Bush has done a lot of things that haven't come to light yet or were pinned on other people. Bush killed Laci Peterson, Bush molested that kid at Neverland Valley Ranch, Bush was the real guy in the trunk of the car for the DC Sniper killings, Bush piloted those planes into the world trade center, remember, he was a trained pilot in the air national guard, oh wait, nevermind, he couldn't have done it, since he never bothered to show up for duty. Well, you get the picture.

If Bush is reelected on Tuesday, most likely the apocalypse is coming. Nostradamus said so. Then again, he might be wrong, since the passage goes something like this:

"And from the holy lands of the lone star state, shall cometh a false savior that looketh like a monkey. He shall lack a brain, or a soul. He shall lie and smile, and when he winneth his second term in office, he shall bring about the war to end all wars and armageddon shall be upon the earth, and it shall burn for a hundred years. Oh yeah, and the Red Sox will never win the world series." -Nostradamus, from Centuries

Well, at least he was wrong about the Red Sox.

Go Bosox

2004-10-24T05:07:00.000-07:00

Just got back from Boston. I'm going to try not to be depressing, but I'm still a bit sad from my grandfather's funeral. He was a great man, I just wish he got the chance to see his beloved sox stomp the crap out of the yankees, thus marking the greatest choke in major league baseball history.

It was good to see family, and it was cool to be in Boston for the finale of the American League championship series. Not suprisingly, the city of Boston erupted into riots, cause hey, what better way to celebrate a winning season then destroying crap. In Boston, people are only talking about two things: the red sox and the election, and trust me, the election is a distant second.

When I think about the election, I kind of get that fluttering feeling, like when you are going up the hill of a roller coaster with a steep drop, anticipating the the loops your stomach is about to go in. I'm a little concerned that we're going to have another four years of the bush administration wiping their asses with the constitution. My big problem though, is george bush looks like a fucking monkey.

I'm not really looking forward to going back to teaching this week, since it's pretty much akin to repeatedly bashing your head against a brick wall, or maybe like crushing your nuts in a vice. Oh well, it pays the bills.

To Anthony Macolini

2004-10-17T06:53:00.000-07:00

Grandpa Mac, it deeply saddens me that I'll never again be able to make that trip to Boston and see you sitting there smiling at me and Jeff. Always with the quick wit, and a big heart. You will be missed by so many people that loved you. I hope you are at peace. I love you and miss you. -G

Rest in peace Superman...

2004-10-11T01:00:00.000-07:00

I was saddened to see that Christopher Reeve had passed away. I have a profound respect for what he did after he was paralyzed. Sometimes, I shuder thinking what it would be like to lost all mobility like that. At least now, he no longer has to suffer.

Sorry, no jokes today. -G

Go Bosox, Schwarzenegger for Prez., and other weapons of mass destruction

2004-10-09T04:15:00.000-07:00

First off, sorry Angles, but my sox just took a big poop all over you. The one frustrating thing is that they don't show Bosox games here, only yankees games, so that they can show the Hideki Matsui highlight reel of the day. They show him bunting from like eight different angles, including the jock strap cam, just disturbing. And there's always the japanese announcer speaking in really fast japanese saying, "suuuugoyy, kare wa tsuyo da ne, NIICEEO HITTO!"

It also looks like the republicans, led by the always charasmatic Orrin Hatch of Utah and the senate judiciary committee, are proposing to get rid of that pesky constitutional law that doesn't allow foreign born citizens to ascend to the thrown of presidency. Now, i don't think the terminator is a bad guy, but honestly, him as president. Come on, when the Supreme court selected a coked out monkey for president we became and international laughing stock. It even made Kim Jong Il, the Michael Jackson of international politics look capable. At least, he can form what seems to be coherent sentence with an actual point, even if it is just to tell us to fuck ourselves. I guess it make sense, since the republicans are now afraid that after their last election tampering debacle, they would have to come up with a completely new way to make the elections a complete joke. I guess my real problem is that he has a good chance of winning. I can just see some dumbasses saying, "his performance was so compelling in Last Action Hero, I think he's the man to reinvigorate the economy."

Besides that, things are cool here in japan. Lots of natural disasters. A typhoon is hitting us right now, and last week there was a pretty big earthquake. There was a volcanic eruption a week or two ago, and initual reports have stated that mothra and godzilla are battling it out in yokohama and moving towards tokyo at a rapid pace. Do you think the guys that have to clean up after them enjoy their jobs, or is it like, "jesus christ, why can't they fight in the country side, this is the fifth time this month, I have had to rebuild this shopping mall."

Well, that's all for me. Hope all is well. Go John Kerry, bitch slap bush again.

Ahh the beauty of the internet...

2004-10-06T05:37:00.000-07:00

Well, after constant prodding and essentially running out of an valid excuse to continue procrastinating, I've taken the leap and started this blog. I warn all those who dare read this blog, that I'm really good at saying really messed up things I shouldn't. Thus, take most of this blog with a grain of salt. I'm guessing most of this will be me ranting about my life in Japan, or American politics. Both of which I'm good at, especially a couple of drinks deep. And since, it is a weekday, and after 6pm, I am, as always, a couple of drinks deep.

Quick background note, for the unfortunate souls who ended up here by mistake and have chosen to continue reading. My name is Greg, I'm 23, I'm from Virginia in the ol' US of A, and I currently teach English in a high school outside of Tokyo.

So, I guess I should start off with a good old fashioned rant about shit that pisses me off about Japan. It's been raining for the last couple of days, pretty much non-stop, which of course has thrown the train schedules a little bit off. After working for roughly twelver straight hours, I just wanted to go home. First, I needed something to eat. And this is the first thing that irks the shit out of me; (gratuitous semicolon use) after stopping at a local soba (buckwheat noodles) bar and ordering something, it turns out I ordered the wrong thing. So, I asked them to change it to something else, which just happened to be the same price. Now, it doesn't take a genius to make a bowl of soba, and they do it in front of you. However, it was just not possible for them to change it. Now, mind you, my Japanese isn't perfect, I am far from fluent, but after fourteen months, I can order a goddamn bowl of soba. But, due to the Japanese system, I was not able to change my order. After I was told this, the woman opened up a packet, and out poured what looked like snot that I was trying to avoid by changing my order, all over my poor bowl of noodles. She then handed it to me and smiled. In the samurai days, I'm sure someone would have ended up impaled.

I didn't bother to eat the snot, so I ventured up to the train platform, to find the most crowded train platform I have ever seen. Apparently, the train had been stuck somewhere due to the rain, and now, roughly four times the number of people that would usually be waiting, were waiting for the next one. I like Japanese people, they are really nice, but let's face facts here, although they have all this high tech stuff, and robots abound, somehow, roll on deodorant, or any effective substitute somehow has never been envisioned. So, I was facing a packed train, with someone touching my package, that smelled somewhere in the vinicity of a dirty gym bag, after sitting in a lagoon for two weeks, and I'm only guessing this, a sumo wrestlers asshole, after a giant sushi shit. So, the train finally comes, and all those stories of people being pushed into the train were true. The conducters were slamming their backs into the people, who were hanging out of the doors. Finally, they manually shut the doors, to the chamber of J-funk, and off it went. Unfortunately, I didn't manage to get on the train, not that I didn't try, but crowd surfing isn't allowed since it ranks slightly below peeing in public, which of course is completely acceptable. Fifteen minutes later, another train came, and I managed to suffer through that ride home, scrambling to get back to my apartment, and my new bestest buddy Jim Beam.

Fortunately, I had work today, and was able to take out all my repressed rage on them. Have a good day.